Today is our 44th wedding anniversary. It is a beautiful day. The temperature is warming up causing the ice to melt off the trees. It looks pretty outside. Everything twinkles and sparkles, just the right mix of magic and reality. Tomorrow it will all be muddy, however today is lovely.
We woke up this morning finding it hard to believe we have been married for 44 years and at the same time it seems we have always been married. We both call that a blessing.
Tommy fixed coffee, bacon and pancakes for breakfast...my favorites. We reminisced some about our wedding day and laughed at all the things that went wrong the week we got married.
We didn't have any plans for today. I wanted to take down the Christmas tree and put up new living room curtains I received as a present for Christmas. Tommy thought he might replenish the wood we have stacked in the laundry room. We are each doing our own projects and plan to have dinner together tonight.
Sounds like a good easy going kind of day. And it would have been if I did not absolutely, positively...no doubt about it...despise hanging curtains!!! When the girls lived at home they ran and hid when I mentioned I might need their help with the curtains.
It is the only household project that effects me this way. I turn into a raging lunatic...not the kind of person one wants to be on their anniversary by any means.
The first time I try to get the curtains level... is a waste of time. They will never, ever be level on the first, second or fifth try.!! When I finished the first dry run, I step back to see how they looked and one side fell down. It wasn't just crooked...it hit the floor, just about the time my hammer did. Folks, it was not a pretty sight. The sounds were pretty bad also, to say the air was 'blue' was giving the air a water color wash job!!! Kind of a rainbow effect from Hell!
I am determined to do this...it may take awhile but those damn curtains will hang in my living room TODAY!!! I move on to plan B and get a bigger nail and hammer. I will make those puppies stay up or make them sorry they didn't.
The curtains go up first and the valance fits on top of the curtains. There is a distinct possibility I may have mixed those two rods up. Hmmm.That explains a lot...nothing I wanted to hear but it does explain. I take them down. Switch rods and try again. I am standing on a foot stool, one lick with the hammer and the very big nail and I slip and hit the floor. If we hadn't paid $400 for that window and it wasn't cold outside, I do believe I might have accidentally thrown my hammer through the middle of it. I am so glad I didn't. When Tommy heard me making all sorts of racket, he came running through the back door, to see if I had somehow been murdered.
There I sat on the floor, surrounded by yards of material, a hammer the size of Texas and a really, really bad attitude. Tommy was quiet for a second then says, "Do you need any help?" Music to my ears!~!! I don't need help...I needed for him to do it! He did. I also found out, 44 years later that he hates hanging curtains almost as much as I do. Hmmm I never knew that. Together we finally got the curtains up. " They really do look pretty" I said through squinted eyes.
We made a deal, these curtains stay up until we die or we can talk the kids into doing it next time.
Now that I am calm, I am taking my new wireless printer out to the sunroom and try and hook it up. Oh Joy..
Three hours later...
Tomorrow is another day. The printer never made it out of the box and that was probably a good thing. We took a nap and after the coffee gets done we will sip it in our living room...laughing at our screwed up anniversary while admiring our new curtains
I am telling the truth when I say it's God's glue that holds us together. Even when we act ignorant...especially when we act ignorant!! I am pretty sure He has a huge bottle of Glory glue that says "For Vicky Carter...use it on her ASAP and on occasion use it liberally...may take more than one dose."
The beautiful couple in the photo to the left are Jeffery and Jasmine Bone. They had just exchanged their marriage vows on December 18, 2013 and now are officially husband and wife. Jeff is our great nephew on the Carter side. We really do not know Jeff or Jasmine and that is shame. I think we missed watching a good young man grow up. We totally missed their falling in love.
However, we have lived away from Kentucky for most of our soon to be 44 married years. We missed a lot of lives, but we made family and friends everywhere we lived. Our love for our extended family here in Missouri is almost as strong as our love for our blood families. For each decision we made...everything we received, there was choice to be made concerning family. There was always a reason for the choices we made. We needed to be on our own. We followed our hearts on this one. We did what was right for the two of us...everything else eventually worked out. One life lesson we learned could be summed up in this quote, "We can have it all...just not all at once."
I look at Jeff and Jasmine and I think of Tommy and myself. Tommy was in the Marine Corps and I had quit college to marry him. We also got married in December. Tommy was coming in on leave and he told me to pick a day and he would be there. So we settled on Dec. 26, 1969 at 4:30 p.m. We left from the church for Smyrna, Georgia. Tommy had us an apartment not to far from the base he was stationed at...NAS Atlanta also called Dobbins Air Force Base. It took us three days to get there and it was well worth the trip.
I hope Jasmine can live with Jeff while he is in the military. I hope they travel and enjoy seeing the world together. For us, being completely on our own, cemented our lives together. We started out needing each other and have never stopped.
That is not to say we didn't have hard times...because we did, every couple does. I think we have fallen in love with each other five or six times, each time stronger than the time before. To 'fall in love again' means something had to go wrong for awhile before the connection could be made again.
If possible we never go to bed mad at each other. Neither one of us would be able to sleep, so we might as well stay awake and talk, trying our best to fix what seems to be wrong. "I'm sorry" and "I love you " go a long way in that department.
Thank God for our a sense of humor. That has saved many a marriage...probably ours. I always say "I could have found another man but never, ever could I have found another friend like Tommy. He has seen me at my worst and loves me anyway." We were made for each other. He feels the same way about me. We still laugh a lot and we hope Jeff and Jasmine will too. Forgiveness is essential; it also isn't easy but very necessary. Tommy and I both had to learn that 'forgiving' and 'letting go of a grudge or bad memory' are two different things. This is where God comes in. He does what we can not do and that is 'forget''. God makes forgetting possible for very hurt and angry humans. We try not to keep score on who is right and who is wrong. In the end, it pretty much evens out.
Tommy and I wish Jeff and Jasmine happiness, love, laughter, adventure and the ability to make enough memories to last a lifetime.
Merry Christmas to you both...God bless you and enjoy your new life together.
I have tried everything I know to get in the Christmas spirit. I usually start each morning inhaling coffee and plugging in our tall, beautifully lit Christmas tree. I have a DVD that shows a crackling fireplace while a piano softly plays musical memories from my life. The house is dark except for the tree while I am enjoying my home, my memories and my coffee.
Unfortunately, this feeling doesn't last any longer than the moment. Tami called a few minutes ago asking me what we bought Jacy for Christmas. I could only remember a few gifts and I know there are more. My mind isn't on Christmas. My mind isn't any one place. It is lost in a tangled mess of memories, conversations, and a promise I wish I had never made.
My mind is filled with unrelated, random thoughts that really do not make a lot of sense. They just occupy room and slip out from time to time.
Random Thought 653...I think I will make some cookies later today. I haven't done any Christmas baking. I could and should have...just didn't want to do it.
Something is off this year. I know part of it has to do with the death of Carol. She is laughing at me now...maybe getting ready to thump my head because she hated Christmas and would want me to snap out of this slump I am in. I don't have to hear her words...I know exactly what she would say. "Vicky, knock it off!!! You have a good life...enjoy it." She has said those words many times.
I really need to talk to Carol. I know how the conversation would go. Something like this...
I would bring up the news and she would get mad at me for watching "that crap". We would talk about Duck Dynasty and she would kid me about being a redneck. She knows I have never once watched Duck Dynasty but she would razz me anyway.
She would remind me that where facebook is concerned that, "You don't have to join every argument or fight you are invited to attend. Pick your battles and F..K the rest." I would probably agree with her. Unable to stop I would mention Obama and she would call him the "antichrist..." and we would both rant and rave over the plight of our government. Our imaginary plan to fix life was to fire everyone in the government and move to Key West. Tommy and I could fish and swim and she and Punky would enjoy the sun. That only lasted for a few minutes before one us started talking about the weather and how we both HATE hot weather!! What's the point of moving to Key West if we are going to be mad or stay inside with the air conditioner!! We could do that in Missouri!! However that was our plan, for about four minutes a visit...almost every time.
Random Thought 654...We have freezing rain coming down now. The rain should turn to snow later this afternoon. I think I will lay down and read a book until I get sleepy or get up. Whichever comes first. The book I am reading is depressing and I am not sleepy so I might as well get up. Note to self...find another book to read.
Random thought 655...I still wish Santa Claus was real. I don't want to start a religious debate about Jesus. I know He is real and it is His birth we are celebrating. Still...
Still I would like, especially this year, for the magical Santa to visit my home. I would like a fat little man who probably has heart disease and never diets, who talks to animals and they talk back to him and everyone thinks it is normal; to visit me and share a cup of coffee. I need this little man who flies across the heavens in a sleigh, to leave me a present, a cookie and a note. I could use some magic of childhood and of dreams. I could use a sleigh ride across heaven...but I want to come back.
If Carol were here, reading this, that paragraph would have rattled her. I could tell you what she would have said, but it wouldn't be printable:) I would tell her 'it's my blog and that is how I feel.' She would let me know' I need to snap out of this before I end up in FSH!!!' That should be a wake up call. FSH was our Plan B...if nothing else worked out when we became old or a burden on our families; we were going to start a bar fight, 'act crazy' and end up arrested and placed in Fulton State Hospital. And then the fun would begin:) We learned from the best!! Hmmm.... Miss you my friend. Think I will go make those cookies. I am nowhere near ready for plan B...yet. If you see Santa Claus give him a hug and a kiss from me. Good night my friend...
I've only been awake two hours and I already know what kind of day I will have. My friends and family call it a "Vicky Carter Kind of Day". We know from experience,
very little if anything will go as planned during this time frame.
It all began last night around 8:30 p.m. I had my second sleep apnea test...this one wearing various different kinds of masks. Trying to find one that would work best for me. I was told last night that my oxygen level when I sleep is anywhere from 87 to 92 and that I quit breathing on the average of 60 or more times a night. I was appalled. The technician wasn't. She said "This is a mild case." and I am thinking 'for you maybe...but you aren't the one not breathing.'
The masks vaguely resemble a big eyed roach, a nose of a mouse, and a alien. Wouldn't you know, the "alien" is the one that works for me. The only good side to this crazy mess is--- the one I need is just like Tommy's. We can be scary together...and we will.
The technician applies the glue to numerous places on my body and head, finally she hooks up wires attached to a machine. Then tells me to "jump in bed and have a good nights rest." Right!
I slept all night...go figure. When she woke me up at 5 a.m. I felt good. I had maintained an oxygen level of 97 all night. I was amazed that I really did feel much better than usual.
I hadn't put my glasses on yet, when my cell phone rings. I thought it was Tommy so I answered saying in a voice reserved for him, "Good morning Shithead!!! Is the coffee ready yet??" Silence for a second and then Carol's mother says, "Vicky, is that you?" mmmm, "Yes ma'am this is me." If the earth opened up and swallowed me---I would have been relieved.
She wants to know if she has caught me at a bad time. I explain what is going on and she laughs and hangs up. I will call her back later. She knows me well, I won't have to explain a lot.
I leave the hospital without combing my hair because it is pointless...it is full of glue. I can't wait to get home and shower. I race through my back door. Tommy is still asleep so I make the coffee. And I get ready to jump in the shower only to find we have NO HOT WATER!!! I ran into the laundry room and began flipping switches. Nothing, I do it again...nothing. Finally, something clicks and I hear the hot water heater start to fill up. I also hear my computer click on and scan a sheet of paper telling me how much ink I have in my computer cartridge. I had not touched my computer. The answering machine gurgles and dies...needing to be reset. I stand in the middle of the den wondering why the hot water heater, computer and answering machine are all hooked up together. Who knows!!! I know for a fact, they aren't supposed to be. I guess I really did flip more than one switch while trying to turn on the hot water. Note to self...don't do that!
It is now 8:03 a.m. This is just the beginning of another 'Vicky Carter kind of day'. I have these days more often than I care to admit. Everything I do during that 24 hour period is just a tad off. I am either a step ahead or two steps behind, however the dice roll, I am not in sync with the world. For the past two weeks my mind has worked wrong and slow. It is hard to concentrate and to make decisions. Words no longer come easy. Personally, I would like to check out for a few weeks. It is a lousy time for Christmas.
Today we have to feed Carol's cats and make a one hundred twenty mile round trip to Jefferson City to visit Punky, Carol's sister. Somewhere in the mix we will eat dinner. Neither one of us wants to cook today. Sounds simple however I doubt if it will be.
Yesterday began with a dense fog so thick I was unable to see the woods that surrounds our home. When I took our two dogs outside, a few minutes before daylight; the air was sharp, stabbing as bits of ice hit my face. The dogs were fifty feet ahead of me when I lost them in the fog. I could hear their feet running through the remains of snow and slush. I walked around the yard and out to the pond enjoying the view I was not seeing.
When I looked in the direction of my house all I could see was a light yellow hazy structure. I no longer saw a home badly in need of paint. It looked fine in the fog. As I walked closer to the pond, I spied reeds and tree branches encased in a icy glow of surreal gray. No longer did the pond need to be cleaned out. It was beautiful just the way it appeared.
The images I saw were inaccurate but enjoyable for a change. The trees in the distance resembled the faint outline of mountains instead of a forest. My imagination was in overdrive as I walked. Mentally taking notes of slightly misshapen ordinary sights in my yard.
My hair became wet from the fog. It was slowly becoming plastered to my head...not a good look for me at all. My clothes felt damp. I decided to walk back to the house to drink my first cup of coffee and shower. The fog was cold, reaching deep, trying to touch my bones. A hot shower would feel wonderful.
I enjoyed that brief span of time however I was ready for my home. I was ready for coffee and to say good morning to friends and family on face book. I was ready to make enough noise to 'accidentally' wake Tommy. I was ready to reclaim my life...just the way it is.
While walking back to the house I got an idea for a chapter in the book I am working on, tentatively called "The House that Jack Built". Strange the things that walk in and out of the fog. I can hardly wait to write the scene I am seeing in my minds eye. Jack is sooo bad.
It snowed last night. For the first time in a week my world looks pretty. This week has been cold and gray to me, however today everything is covered with about an inch or so of beautiful white snow. I feel at peace today. It is a nice change for me. While I sat in my favorite rocking chair, drinking coffee my mind took a trip back to 1971 and to Lisa's first Christmas. Searching for our old photo album, I found the photos that were in my thoughts.
We were stationed in Yuma, Arizona for the last eighteen months of Tommy's enlistment. Our plan was to trade our car in on a pickup truck with a camper and explore the United States. At night we devoured our Atlas, looking for places we wanted to visit or live. We never intended to settle down in one place for more than a year. We would see all the sights, saving the money we made on odd jobs, and be ready to leave whenever we desired for another adventure. In the process we would make a ton of incredible memories... maybe enough for a book someday. However, with a little baby girl, this idea became less and less feasible. We needed some roots for Lisa and some stability for us. Plans changed. We moved back to Smyrna, Georgia in November when Tommy's enlistment was finished.
Tommy was soon employed in Atlanta. Next we found an apartment with our first back door. We were so excited about that door! For the first time we had two bedrooms and I could fix Lisa a pretty nursery. I was in a 'nesting mode'. Life was good. Everyone was happy. We were excited about our new apartment. Friends we had when we lived in Georgia, let us raid their basement. They had an old couch, a lamp, an end table. We contributed a new cabinet style stereo, we bought in Yuma. We bought a bed, and curtains. Retrieved 3 round wooden spools that belonged to the phone company. They were perfect for bedside tables. We set a small t.v. on the third one in the living room. I began to collect plants and soon our little home was beautiful to us. It never did take much to make us happy. That has always been our biggest blessing.
The second week of December, Mama and Daddy were moving to Miami, Florida for a construction job. They spent a few days with us. We bought a Christmas tree and decorated it while they were there. It was our first 6 foot Christmas tree. The one we had in Yuma was about 18 inches tall and sat on top of our t.v. We placed our presents in Lisa's bassinet. We still have the first little red Christmas boot that hung on the tree for the baby. It hangs on our tree every year.
Mama bought Lisa a 3 foot inflatable reindeer, a snowman, and a Santa Claus. Lisa loved them. They were placed close to the tree but seldom remained there for any length of time. Lisa was walking and constantly dragging the toys with her. She rode the reindeer, sat on Santa and rolled the snowman all over the floor. They were her favorite toys she received that year.
Before Tommy and I finally settled down, we had moved 16 times in ten years. It was fun and I would do it all over again in a nano- second if life only worked that way. However life just does not operate in this fashion. We get one shot at life and it is up to each one of us to make the best life we can. It is important to not waste opportunities for adventure...never stop dreaming or learning. It is important to love the people you are with unconditionally. I have never met a person who did not have chinks in their armor and a story to tell about how the chinks were made. Forgiveness is a necessary commodity in a couples life.
It is also important to make memories that can be conjured up at a moments notice by the familiar smell of a pine tree, the taste of coffee, the sight of candles flickering, the sound of Christmas music playing and two old Instamatic photos from a life time ago often bring memories to the forefront of my mind. I can see everything with my minds eye as I replay the day. So far they have never let me down. I relieve the moments, enjoy them with Tommy and write them down...just in case.
I want to take time to celebrate Carol Shea's life. She was my best friend for the past 18 or 20 years.
No two people could be more different than Carol and me. And yet the friendship worked and was wonderful. I trusted Carol completely. She did me too. At work we were called
"Thelma and Louise". The nicknames fit. She was more serious and at times stoic, I am a loose cannon who could always make her laugh. She liked my life. I don't know how many times she told me over these past 8 years that she "lived vicariously through me".
We took 3 vacations together and had a hundred more planned. She got sick and just couldn't walk as well as she needed to in order to travel a long distance.
I gave her a retirement party in 2005 when she retired from Fulton State Hospital, due to medical reasons. The next year I drove Punky, Carol and me to the Upper Peninsula to visit Jo Ann, another one of their sisters. We had so much fun and I will forever be glad we made that trip. Both of us took a lot of photos and of course, right now I can not find them. But I do have photos from her retirement party and our two trips to Kansas City to house sit for my youngest daughter Melodi. Those 2 trips were much needed trips for Carol. We had a nice condo to stay in. We ate out at all the good restaurants, went to see movies and shopped at an antique mall so large it took us 2 days to see everything. It was time well spent. We watched our favorite movies and ate ice cream at 3 in the morning. We laughed until we cried twice. Once when we messed up Melodi's ADT protection...the other when we visited Joe's Crab Shack and I got looped.
Below are some shots of our life. It was fun...it just ended too soon.
2005 Retirement Party
Becky and Carol
2 of my favorite people
Punky moved in with Carol in 2004 or 2005. She was allowed to go to Carol's Retirement party at work. Since we worked 11-7, at that time, the party started after midnight. Everyone in the building would come down and eat on their breaks. All her friends bought their favorite dishes, sodas, coffee, and cake. Carol loved it and was really touched by how many people cared for her. Sometimes I don't think she understood this.
This may sound crass to some people and that is ok if it does. This is our story. When it was almost time for Carol to leave her party, Becky wanted to take another picture of us. I asked Carol about giving the ole one finger salute for all the crazy, goofed up ideas and rules that often lasted no longer than 10 minutes at FSH. And so we did. It is our favorite photo and we both have them in our living rooms. Now I must confess, I had to take mine down because Jacy and Logan now can read and know what it means. They were shocked when they saw Nonnie and her friend shoot the bird. That is mild to some of the things we have done.
Carol, Punky and I would celebrate Christmas some day early in December. This photo was taken at my house. We celebrated there once or twice and then we decided we wanted to go out to eat. Carol introduced me to 'Reuben Sandwiches'. That became our Christmas meal of choice. I never eat one without thinking of her. I found a new place in Fulton that sells delicious Reuben's. That is where I was going to take us this year for Christmas.
I made her a scrapbook of her retirement the first Christmas she was home.
We had a fun day talking and making plans for the future. Some plans came to pass...other's didn't.
We invaded a Harley Davidson Dealership in Kansas on our 2nd trip there. We asked the young man if we could have our photos made with this Harley. We both liked it...
I don't think I was supposed to
actually get on the bike but it
seemed like a good idea at the
time. However, the young man
taking the photos nearly dropped
my camera when I jumped on.
Here we go again!!! Just for old
times sake.
Shopping at the Brass Armadillo... outside of Kansas City. I bought old photographs, and newspapers from WW11. Carol bought old coins, some glassware.
I have many more photos of us. Carol was a wonderful friend. I always knew she had my back and was looking out for my best interest. She felt the same about me. There was trust between us. She died yesterday and is being cremated today. I wanted to pay my respects and share my friend with you. I will miss her more than I probably realize.
I began writing my first blog on December 6, 2010. I can not believe it has been three years. Actually, I would not have remembered this date except my good friend, Nalini Mohammed, who lives in Trinidad, brought it to my attention. I am very thankful Nalini reminded me. The date would have passed, unnoticed by me. Celebrating life is important. I think each milestone in life should be enjoyed, remembered and commemorated with family and friends. This is what I am doing today...remembering and giving thanks to family and friends for taking the time to read my mind and sharing my life.
When I started this blog, my mother was heavy on my mind. She had died in May of 2009 and I missed her terribly. Alzheimer's claimed her life, one brain cell at a time. I watched her loose her memories, her body functions, her essence and finally her life. It was the hardest five years of my life.
I would sit with her and try to remember every story she had told me. Her stories had to live on. I did not want Mama to be forgotten. So I began to write, only to realize Mama's stories were her stories and most of them she kept close to her heart. When I wrote about her I had to be careful what I said. There have been several stories I wrote and did not publish. They belonged to only our family. I know I make her laugh when I tell stories about her driving:) I can hear her say, "Vicky Kay!!! don't write that??" and then she laughs. She should, Mama was the worst driver...ever. I will never run out of writing material as long as I remember Mama's driving skills. I do not have peace when I write personal stories in Mama's life so I changed my goals.
Instead of Mama's life, I decided to write about my life and the life I have with Tommy. I want our story recorded for our grandchildren and great grandchildren and family on down the line. This is important to me. Some day, when I have been dead fifty or one hundred years, I hope one of our descendents reads our story and says, " WOW that explains a lot!!! I really wish I could have known those crazy people! or " I am so glad 'Nonnie' wrote these stories down for us to share...now I understand cranky old Uncle Dan." Then I hope they start noticing character traits we have and they share. I hope every generation has one green eyed, left handed, curly headed little boy or girl. I also wish there will always be a black headed, brown eyed music loving hunter in the group. I hope they all laugh easy and often. When they fall in love, I hope it is forever. I wish them adventures, excitement and a sense of wonder. I hope they love the Creator of this amazing world with all their heart.
I also want to thank my readers for taking the time to share my life. Close to 20,000 people have read my stories and many of my readers are located in countries all over the world. People from Trinidad and Tobago, Canada, Ireland, Portugal, Italy, India, Algeria, England, Germany, France, Japan, Mexico, Ghana, Vietnam, South Korea, Philippines, Brazil and Russia and many other countries. Following the United States, Russia comes in second in reading this blog. It thrills my heart, making me happy and humble at the same time. Thank you.
I look forward to writing more stories. I have lived a long time...I have many memories yet to share. I bet my daughters are cringing on that statement:) I do have a tendency to speak very frankly and at times very personal about our lives; that is the way I talk. When you read this blog, you have had a conversation with me. We could easily be sitting in a restaurant or side walk cafe, in my sun room, or an airport lounge ( I do love those places). We would be sharing our stories over a cup of hot coffee and maybe a cinnamon bun. We would laugh more than cry. I have been blessed with a very humorous life. I do crazy extremely well and I am not ashamed to admit it or share it. Thank you all again for making these past three years very memorable for me. God bless.
Jacy's 12th Birthday 2013
I am tired of being mad at my father. I am tired of reliving old wounds and hurts. I am tired of bad dreams and hateful memories. I am tired of having his voice in my head, describing how he sees me and feels about me...none of these thoughts were good. I am tired of feeling worthless, resentful and less than the person I am. These feelings do nothing to enrich my life or help me be a better person. Daddy will no longer be the mirror I use to see myself.
Daddy had a hard life. He did not know how to get beyond his own hurts and demons. Because of these facts and feelings, I became his own personal scapegoat. It is very possible he saw so much of him in me that he did not like me because of what he was seeing. I am a lot like Daddy. I have his sense of humor, his height and his nose. I am thankful for the sense of humor...the other two are debatable.
My thought process was completely different than his used to be. I questioned things. This enraged him. He demanded blind obedience; a quality I despised. The phrase "Do as I say not as I do" was the motto at my home. This phrase still sends a chill down my spine. I can not live happily wrapped in an iron hand. It smothers me and makes me afraid.
I only had to live with Daddy for 9 years. Then my sentence was commuted and I was once again free. However, those 9 years shaped the way I usually saw myself. He was my hand mirror and self doubt was my nemeses. The reflection I saw in the mirror was warped and a view through his eyes. "You aren't much but you are all I have" did nothing to make me feel of value.
43 years later, I still hear those words and words much worse. They echo in my mind during the day and visit me at night when I try to sleep. I am tired of feeling the way I do.
I am turning my situation with Daddy over to Jesus, who happens to love both of us. I want the rest of my life to be lived wholly, unafraid and with a purpose. The past is dead and gone. From now on when I write about Daddy, if I ever do, it will be the good memories we shared and there were many of those. The good often gets lodged behind the horrible making it hard to see and remember. I am asking God for a clean slate with Daddy. I need to forgive him and move on. I have tried this many times and failed. There is a scripture in Psalms, I think, that says "Give God your broken heart and He will make it whole." That is what I am doing today. I look forward to the recovery and what God has in store for me.
This is one of my favorite pictures of Mama and Daddy. They were young and so in love. Mama was 16 and Daddy was 19 when they eloped. They were married in Charleston, Missouri. After spending the night in a Charleston hotel, the next morning at breakfast a young man, who waited on them, brought Mama a flower and gave it to her. He told her the "flower was almost as pretty as she was." Daddy got mad and nearly punched the young man. I loved hearing that story. Years later when Mama told the story, Daddy still got mad...priceless.
I cannot imagine being married at the age of 16. Daddy was helping his father, Papa John, farm so they moved in with Mama Pearl and Papa John as newlyweds. I also cannot imagine living with family on your honeymoon. It was customary to do this years ago. I don't care how 'customary' it was...I still say it could not have been easy...and it wasn't.
Mama had never lived in the country. Once she got there she wasn't all that crazy about it. They did not have electricity and still used an outhouse. She couldn't wait to go to town for the weekend. That meant they stayed with Mamamae and Granddaddy. Privacy was still scarce but they could go to the movies and visit friends. Mama quit high school when they got married. She needed to reconnect with her friends and be 16 for a little while longer.
After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Daddy enlisted in the Army. They had been married a little over a year. In the above photo, Daddy was in on leave before being sent overseas.
When Daddy finally left for the service Mama moved back to Clinton, living with Mamamae and Granddaddy. She worked at the Dime Store for Mr. Peggy Young (I think).
Mamamae and Granddaddy's home was located beside the Post Office. When Mama received a letter from Daddy, Mr. Ben Hales would bring the letter to her as soon as it came in.
Mama saved her allotment check and the money she made working. When Daddy came home from the service, four years later, she had enough money for them to buy all new furniture, rugs and everything they needed to start housekeeping. Daddy began farming for Ray Spicer. Mr. Spicer had a home on the farm and Mama and Daddy moved into it. Mama still didn't like living in the country but she was happy they weren't living with anyone else.
Mama and Daddy's anniversary falls on Thanksgiving this year. They have both been gone for awhile. Remembering this part of their story always makes me feel good.
There is a lot to be said for young love.
Every couple has a story to tell. Mama and Daddy's story took many twists and turns. Not everything that happened to them was good or fun or necessary. It never is with any couple's story.
Below is another favorite photo of Mama and Daddy. They are old and have reached the final chapters of their story. Mama has Alzheimers and Daddy is there for her 100%...that is all anyone can ask for in this life.
For the past month, I have dreaded the approaching of November 24.
I had an appointment for a sleep study test and I did not want to have the test done. I needed it, just did not want it. The idea of someone watching me sleep is a little on the weird side...and she did watch me sleep. There was a working camera in the corner of the room. I also asked her about it. She was very nice and told me the tape would be erased in the morning. Hmmmm... Having to wear 'wired post its' all over my body is really on the weird, uncomfortable side. When I thought it couldn't get any more crazy the lady put a pulse ox on my finger and taped it down so I couldn't get rid of it and two tubes in my nose...smiles, tells me to relax and go to sleep. She walks out and shuts the door. Really???? Really!
There I sat on the side of the bed, vaguely resembling Frankenstein's bride after the lightening strike. I honestly thought I would still be sitting on the side of the bed at 5 a.m. when the test ended. Luck was on my side, and I was allowed to take some of my sleep medication. It kicked in about an hour later and I did drop off to sleep. I had to sleep on my back. Since I am a side sleeper that made me uncomfortable. I tried to flip over and side sleep but I had too many wires to contend with. In the process I yanked one of my
earrings out. It was found in the wires this morning.
The technician woke me up at 5 and told me I could go home. She told me I could shower to get the glue out of my hair. I tried but this was gonna take some time and a lot of effort. I wanted coffee and to go home...glue and all. So I dressed and left.
I will omit most of this story. In reality it could go on for another two pages. As usual nothing went according to plan. I will leave out the part where the sleep study lab had been relocated and no one told me. I ended up at the on call doctor's sleep quarters. The doctor was shocked to see me...I was glad to see her. I am glad I left my pillow in the car when I knocked on her door.
I told her I was there for the 'sleep study program' she looked confused. That was when I knew I was in the wrong place. The doctor found the Sleep Center for me (she Googled it)...the hospital operator thought it was still in her quarters too.
I will leave out the part where the technician was scared of the dark and would not let anyone in the building until exactly 8:30. I will also leave out the part where the other sleep disorder person was a young man from Columbia. We each had our own room but shared a bathroom. He woke me up around 4 making all sorts of chocking noises. Both of us then needed to go to the bathroom at the same time and neither one of us could because we were all tied up. He won...I waited.
My test results will be mailed to me. As usual, I slept better there than at home. I am one of those people who usually gets well in the waiting room. When I see the doctor she tells me what I had. Time will tell on this adventure too.
I find it very hard to believe that fifty years have passed since President Kennedy was assassinated. Writing those words feels almost like a lie. Time goes by so fast. It doesn't seem possible it has been that long...but it has. In reality, for me, it was another lifetime ago.
I remember parts of that day vividly. They will forever be etched in my mind. The First Lady's pink suit. Watching her crawl out onto the back of the convertible trying to retrieve part of her husbands head. The doctor when he reported President Kennedy was dead. Watching Vice President Johnson being sworn into office as Jackie Kennedy stood close by...wondering what was going through all of their minds. Watching the news as Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested, then two days later actually watching the t.v. as Oswald was assassinated. It was a very hard time for our nation.
Something changed in our country that day. Something changed in my 14 year old mind as well. The images I saw on t.v and the articles I read in the paper did not make sense to me. I never once believed Oswald acted alone. It was the birth of my life long belief in certain conspiracy theories. When I shared these beliefs with my parents I was in so much trouble. Daddy informed me that he would tell me "what to believe and I would believe it." He was furious with me for questioning the facts, so I shut up and kept my theories to myself. I never once changed my mind.
President Kennedy was a hero of mine. He and his family brought youth and vitality to the White House. The Kennedy's were the reason I listened to the news. I have always wanted to believe when President Kennedy spoke these words, "Ask not what your country can do for you ...ask what you can do for your country" he was talking to the best in all of us. Perhaps those words need to be revisited once again. Love of country should replace love of money and loyalty to a certain party. Our country should not be for sale to any lobbyist's agenda.
Fifty years...hard to believe. If you were young when President Kennedy was assassinated, you are now old. The world we live in is very different from the world of 1963. For me "idealism" began to die that day in November in the city of Dallas, Texas and realism took root.
I am a left handed, right brained person in a right handed, left brain world...and there is not one thing I can do about it except try and adjust and fit in somewhere.
Most things in my world, as a child, were geared toward the right handed people. Desks at school were for using the right hand. My left arm hung in space as I tried to make my paper stay on the desk top. Wire rimmed notebooks were all made for right handed people. I had to adjust to the wire always being in my way when I wrote. Scissors never fit my hand...so I used my right hand. My cutting was never neat and pretty but it worked. Now things are geared for everyone. I bought a left handed refrigerator. At the time I purchased it, I didn't pay any attention to that fact. I picked out what was natural for me. When it was delivered, Tommy wanted to know why the refrigerator was 'goofed up'. That was the first time I noticed the door handle.
I was very fortunate growing up. My grandparents and mother accepted my preference for being left handed and seldom tried to change my hand of choice. The one exception was eating. Everyone was determined that I use my right hand when eating. Since it was my job to set the table, I set it with everything on the left side. That made sense to me. After the blessing was said, Mamamae, Granddaddy and Mama would readjust their table setting so it was compatible with their right handed style. Finally I made the adjustment and began to use my right hand to eat. Most of the time I still do this. It was easier on everyone if I fit in with them.
When I was a little girl I never cared if my shoes were on the wrong feet or if I was wearing my dress backwards. I had fairies to find, crooks to catch, pictures to paint and stories to read. My day was full. The grown up version of me is still that way.
Like everyone else there are things that come easy and natural to me. I tend to be artistic, creative and a dreamer, a clown, a priest, and a poet. I am a writer of fact and fiction, blending the two until they are one. Need help with a problem concerning your emotional heart...ask me. I may not be able to fix your problem but I have all the empathy you need to recover and perfect shoulders to cry on. These are all traits of the right brain thinker.
The oddities in life snag my attention. Corporate America never once held any infatuation with me. Tommy used to tease me about the fact that if the fate of the industrialized world had been in my hands we would still be living in caves. That may be true but they would be the prettiest caves on the planet. We would all have flower and vegetable gardens, lakes to fish in and backyards for playing. Not one bomb would have been invented.
As for things I can not do, I have accepted the fact that I will never understand algebra or speak the computer language. This comes easy for left brain thinkers. I argue with the facts. Most of the time they make absolutely no sense to me. My poor algebra teacher Mrs. Haynes tried her best to make me see in black and white. I tried, I really did but I do not have an analytical mind. I need color preferably lots of reds and yellows.
It always seemed to me algebra was wrong. Why would anyone create a problem like 2x=___y. Really??? What was the x and y?? And why on earth would anyone want 2 of them?? If you found the answer to the equation...then what would you do with it?? There has to be an easier way to do this. Poor Mrs. Haynes hated to see me raise my hand in class. She knew we were all in trouble that day because my reason and logic did not apply to algebra. She was right. Once Mrs. Haynes began explaining a 'problem' to me, my eyes glazed over and I became 'hearing impaired'.
Computers are another mystery to me. I know what I need to know to navigate around the Internet and write a blog. If I hit a wrong button I am in a world of hurt. It happens more often than I care to admit. Copy and paste does not compute in my head. I seldom 'drag' anything and have it end up where it should be.
I have made peace with the fact that I will never crochet, write a computer program or make a speech in another language . Nor will I build anything that requires the use of algebra. I know all the math I need and I use it every week. I am content to write stories and look for new adventures in my corner of the world. I admire the left brain people. What would we do without them?? They created the world I live in. Hmmmm, and there is where we might have another slight problem:)
I love the photo of Tami at the left with dandelions stuck in her helmet while she is getting ready to fire her M-16... cracks me up. That is so very much Tami's personality.
I should not have been surprised that one of our daughters would want to join the military...but I was. Our girls were raised in a very pro military family, I did not see an enlistment in anyone's future.
As a family, we love our country. I seldom hear the song "America, America" that I don't tear up. A flag will forever fly in our front yard. We are proud of our men and women in the armed forces. What would we do without their service? When Tommy and I married he had already been in the Marines for two years. He always says I served the last two years with him. We had a great time together. I would do it all again without hesitation.
However, when Tami came home one day and said she wanted to join the National Guard, that was another story all together. First thing I thought of was, "No, you can get shot or killed! It's not safe! You will be gone a long time. I will miss you. Don't go." I kept those thoughts to myself, for a little while, as Tami talked about all the advantages of enlisting.
Finally, she said," Mama what should I do?" It was by far the hardest question anyone has ever asked me. I found it difficult to give an honest answer. Millions of answers came to mind. "Do it, make those memories!!! One day when you are old, you will look back on your life and tell your children, " I can take apart and reassemble an M-16 in record time. I served my country proudly." She would visit places around the world that I will never see. Always it came back to 'she could get killed'.
Finally, I told her this was one decision she had to make on her own. We talked about the advantages of signing up and we talked about the unknown things that could go wrong. We told her we would support her either way. We talked about 'commitment' and about the length of time she would have to serve. An eight year commitment is a long time for a 19 or 20 year old to have to plan a life around. She was in love. How would that affect their future? A whole lot of unknowns from a mother's perspective.
She enlisted making us very proud and very nervous. I remember a call from boot camp one night, I was sure her instructor would kill her when she got off the phone. I heard the instructor yell at Tami to " Hang that damn phone up, Your time is through!!" Tami yelled back at him, "I just got on the phone my time isn't up!!" I could just see those beautiful brown eyes snap at the man as she yelled. Then silence as he slammed the phone down. I started crying and Tommy started laughing. He said, " I told her they would try and break that Carter temper!" She was in trouble and there was nothing I could do.
That was a long night for me as I wondered what on earth was happening to her in boot camp!!
I think this photo was taken when she went to South Dakota. She also was sent to Panama and to Honduras. That makes me very proud.
Their outfit did a humanitarian rotation in Honduras to help rebuild after a hurricane went through the region causing a tremendous amount of damage. Tami's unit provided military police security for the engineers as they rebuilt roads and bridges. She called one day and I heard gunshots in the background. I asked her what was going on and she said, "There is often sporadic. shooting in the mountains. It's the rebels" Hmmmm, That girl knew how to make me pray!!
I think this photo was taken in Honduras. She also took a photo of her bunk below...a little different from her apartment back home. Honduras changed Tami's outlook on life, at that time. She saw abject poverty. When she came home she gave away most of what she had. She had seen people live with little or nothing. She realized that as blessed as we are, we really do have more than we need. She still gives freely to people in need.
My daughter Tami is one of my heroes. Tommy and I used to say, "Tell Tami no and watch her go." She still is very much wired that way. She is strong, confident and seldom afraid. Life for her is an adventure to be lived out loud. Happy Veteran's Day Darlin'...you made us proud.
Love you,
Mama
It is common knowledge that the President of the United States and I see the world completely different. I seldom, if ever, agree with him on anything. I can say the same thing about most politicians in office now. Washington D.C. needs to be purged, hosed down and disinfected. However, this is only my opinion and we all know how much weight this fact carries...one vote to be exact.
Obamacare is front and center in the news and on most people's mind. Insurance, or lack of insurance, effects us all eventually. Tommy and I both have our own insurance and we are satisfied with what we have.
While I was in California we received a letter from Pres. Obama's team explaining his program and how it affected us. I didn't find out about this until I had been home a week. Tommy and I were watching the news and the news media kept talking about 'letters' that had been sent to the public. I wondered if our letter had been lost in the mail. Tommy said, "No we received a letter while you were gone. I threw it in the trash!" Lightening flashed, the heavens thundered and out poured....
Me "You threw it in the trash????"
Him "Yes, as far as I was concerned it didn't pertain to us."
Me "So what exactly did it say?"
Him "Same old mumbo jumbo government crap."
Me "Is our insurance changing?"
Him "I doubt it."
Me "But you don't know for sure???"
Him "It is nothing to worry about."
Me " Tommy, I think this is one of those letters we should have read."
Him "Well go ahead and worry if it will make you feel better."
Me Hmmmmm... forty million answers ran through my mind.
None of them were nice!
I needed to come up with a game plan before Dec.31...
As for the letter, it is at the bottom of a landfill with thousands of pounds of filth, garbage and junk on top of it. Rest in peace...tomorrow I will find out what that little piece of paper really stated. Truthfully, I hope it was trash. However, 'something' tells me Tommy may be wrong this time.
It was October 31, 1969. Tommy and I had been dating since the beginning of summer. We broke up in high school and did not speak to each other for two years. When we finally did reconnect, we knew we were supposed to be together. I think he asked me to marry him during his third trip home. We had an understanding but had not set the date.
He was in the Marine Corps and I was going to college. He was stationed at NAS Atlanta which was attached to Dobbins Air Force Base. To get from there to Clinton, Ky. took at least 8 hours. He made the trip every weekend that he could. We talked to each other almost every night and of course we wrote letters that I still reread from time to time. Those letters are priceless to me. It is funny and touching to see the world through 20 year old eyes again. As the old saying goes, "We didn't know, what we didn't know".
..and that was probably a good thing.
Tommy picked me up around 5 p.m. We were going to Kathy and Jim McClure's apartment. She was my best friend. They had gotten married in September, I think.
Tommy, who is never at a loss for words, was quiet that evening. I knew he and my mother had talked on Friday before I got home. Mama was doing a lot of smiling and Daddy was as grumpy as always where Tommy was concerned.
We went shopping and bought a music album for Kathy and Jim. That was our first and last disagreement of the night. He wanted to buy a country album and I wanted to get a rock album. He won, since he was paying, however I was sure Kathy wouldn't like it. I was right. She didn't but James did.
On our way to Kathy's, Tommy pulled over and reached in the backseat and bought out a ring box. I was shocked. I thought he was giving me his class ring. When he opened the box there were my wedding rings. He slipped it on my finger and just like that we were engaged. I remember he apologized to me because the proposal didn't go like he wanted. He wanted a nice romantic setting and I wanted to go see Kathy. She knew about the ring so Tommy had to give me the ring before we went to their house. That was why he was so quiet. He couldn't get the timing right and he wanted it to be perfect. I thought it was perfect.
After we left Kathy and James' place, we decided to get a mixed drink to celebrate our engagement. Both of us got 'screwdrivers', made a crazy toast and we rode around for awhile. We threw the bottles and 1 cap away. The other cap rolled under the seat. Daddy found it the next morning.
Engaged, 20 years old and soon to be married, I suddenly found myself 'grounded'. I couldn't believe it!!! I could not take my car on dates anymore. We made do, Tommy has a big family and I think we borrowed a car from just about everyone.
Daddy never did warm up to Tommy. Never liked him at all. That's alright I loved Tommy enough for ten people. We did get the car back the week we got married and Daddy signed the title over to Tommy since he was 21. We drove that car to Georgia on Dec.26, 1969 after we were married. We drove it in July 1970 to Yuma, Arizona and everywhere we wanted for the next four years.
We tease each other a lot. Friendship is the glue that has held us together when things got rough. We often tease about whether it was a 'trick or treat' Halloween in 1969...treat always wins:)
Today is our 44th wedding anniversary. It is a beautiful day. The temperature is warming up causing the ice to melt off the trees. It looks pretty outside. Everything twinkles and sparkles, just the right mix of magic and reality. Tomorrow it will all be muddy, however today is lovely.
