Staying in the Moment. . .My Thanksgiving Wish for All...

    This year has taken its toll on me mentally.   I have never faced as much fear, anger, rage and loss of control as I have this past year.  All of that was new and scary to me. I had stockpiled my mind with years and years of less that perfect life choices and unmanageable people.  Instead of facing the problems head on, I compartmentalized my mind and would visit these people, events and mentally relive it all over again.  I would make different decisions in how I should have handled something that no longer needed to be handled. The past can not be changed. That is why it is called  'the past'.  It is gone. Done. The time to change situations is no longer on the table. However, that is the way I thought for most of my life. It is a dangerous way to live mentally.  Sooner or later, what you are dwelling on will come out and slap you in the face at the most unusual time.  I know it happened to me. I ended up in therapy, a place I never ever expected to need.  Honestly, looking back over my life, I needed a therapists years and years ago. I would talk to my best friends. I have been blessed with many who listened.  We tried to help each other and we did. I think everyone needs a best friend outside of their marriage.  I always had one. When Carol died, after we retied, I no longer had the chance or the will to make a best friend. I had Tommy and I thought that was enough. It wasn't.  I needed a female best friend who understands the way women think.  Tommy is an amazing partner however men and women do not think alike. . . or at least we don't.
    That is how I ended up in therapy. I am paying good money for a "best friend" who listens and gives me truthful insight into my life and mind.  The one thing Nancy says over and over, "Stay in the moment. Keep you mind in the here and now."  I call it,"wandering off the reservation." It is a mental challenge every day. I really am not wired that way. I told her that yesterday. She said none of us are. I work on that daily. We have choices in that area. The choices are sneaky. They keep trying to go back to my old way  of thinking. Truthfully, they often succeed.
    Nancy gave me a reading list about "mindfulness", living life in the moment. I purchased six books. I have read half of one book. It is a good, informative book entitled, "Wherever You Go There You Are" written by Jon Kabat- Zinn. It is an easy book to read but reprogramming my mind is so much harder that I thought it would be. And truthfully, it sounded hard to me when I read the list.
    I have returned to painting, it is something I do where I have to stay focused. It helps and I am enjoying one of my old loves again. Writing has been more difficult. The blog I wrote earlier this week was like planting a garden with a three blade push tiller. The harder I pushed, the deeper the dirt. This is the blog that wanted to be written. I didn't want to write it. So my muse and I were at a standstill. In fact, when I sat down to write today, this is not what I intended to write.  However, it was what I needed to say.
    If there is anyone reading this blog that feels overwhelmed with life and loosing control. My recommendations are find a therapists you can talk to, also find a church. I haven't gone to church yet. That is the next thing to do. I am going back to my old church. It is where I should have been going all the time.
    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, enjoy your family and friends. Immerse yourself in the moment of Thanksgiving. Much love to all. Vicky