Monday, April 16, 2012

Remembering a Gift from Mama

As I was driving home today from grocery shopping, I started thinking about Mama.  I do that a lot anyway.  However, today she has been close by my side.  Before I started buying groceries, I wanted to look for a new purse.  I buy purses like most women buy shoes. 

 Mama loved purses and shoes.  I think maybe she liked shoes more.  It was a close call.  Both followed us home when we went shopping together.

Today, I was remembering the last time I talked to Mama on my birthday.  It was about a year before she went to stay at the nursing home.  Her memory was slipping badly.  Each day she lost something permanently from her life.

It was early in the morning on April 6th, when she called.  I answered the phone and was so glad to hear her voice and know that she was calling on my birthday.  That day wasn't gone yet. It thrilled my heart.  

Mama was a little hesitant as she was talking, like she was fishing for words. Unsure of what to say but wanting to say something.  I didn't mention my birthday.  I didn't want to make her feel bad if it was gone.  It was enough just to hear her voice.

Finally she said, "Ah, Vicky is today your birthday?"  I told her yes and that I was so glad she had called.  There was a huge sigh of relief on her end of the line.  She said something like, "I was afraid I had missed it.  Sometimes I just can't remember what I am doing."

She pause again and asked, "Did I get you anything?"  I told her yes  she had sent me a beautiful birthday card and $50.00.  She was thrilled.  I could hear the smile in her voice.  She hadn't sent anything and that was fine with me.  Mama would never know that secret.  We talked for a little longer and then we ended our conversation.  I hung up the phone and cried for about an hour. I knew that was the last conversation we would ever have on my birthday. It was the last time she ever dialed the phone and called me.

Several years later, after Mama had died, I was cleaning out Mama's  clothes and her chest of drawers.  I found a card that said, "Happy Birthday Daughter" it was one of those sweet mushy cards that always touches my heart and usually makes me cry. Underneath the card in tissue paper, was a pretty red straw purse.  It was big and had shoulder straps, just like I always buy.  I am sure that was the birthday present she bought for me and forgot to mail it.  I used that purse all summer, until the straps broke.

Today while shopping, I didn't find the purse I wanted. But I will, probably one day this week.  It will be straw, woven, with large leather handles and if it is red that will make it perfect. I know there is one out there......Mama loved to shop.....and I am betting she still does.
  

Friday, April 13, 2012

The Return of Michael Jordan and Lewis

I left Centralia early this morning, driving in the pouring rain. Accompanied by the occasional thunder burst and lightning flash. It was a slow driving  kind of day. The sky, the road, the horizon were all gray. It was hard to decipher where one stopped and the other began.

As I drove along my mind went back to 1995 and the return of Michael Jordan to basketball.  Where this came from, I really don't know.  My muse probably was playing hoops with someone last night, who knows!!!  I thought about that game all the way home.  Around noon I took a nap and when I woke up, Michael Jordan was
still there. 

I checked out You Tube to see if what I remembered was accurate. I saw part of his return game but not all of it. It flooded my memory with that game, that afternoon and how odd the connections we have in this world.

I was at work, in a nursing home, when the basketball game of the year was about to begin... Michael Jordan was returning to the floor.  It was his first game. The large day room was filled with patients in various stages of life and death. That day, in our day room, all anyone had on their mind was basketball.  There was excitement in the air.  There was also grumbling.  Some people thought he shouldn't come back after he had retired. Most people couldn't wait to watch him play again.

I was one of the ones who could not wait for the game to start. Next to Melodi Carter, my daughter,  Michael Jordan will always be my favorite basketball player. Watching him was pure magic. I have to admit I was a little nervous about his return.  He told the press on March 18,1995  "I'm baaack".  On March 19,1995 he played his first return game on the court of the Indiana Pacers, in Indianapolis.

As game time approached, I sat down by one of my favorite patients, Lewis.  Lewis suffered from old age and depression.  He had not spoken to anyone in a year.  He ate, took his shower, his medicine but he had no affect, no emotions just a blank face. Wherever he was, he was not happy.  I had known him for years and when he was talking I would ask him questions about the depression.  He said it was worse than being dead or in Hell. He told me I could not fathom how horrible it was. I believed him.

Lewis was beginning to come out of his year long  imprisonment.  He wasn't animated yet. He had spoken a few words during the past week. Had smiled once and his eyes had a light in them that had not been there before, as he was getting ready to watch the ballgame.

He actually chuckled when Michael Jordan was introduced as "the other guard".  We all laughed. The Pacer's announcers  were trying to down play Michael's return---as if they could.

As Jordan took to the floor, my hands began to sweat. I was nervous for him.  He took a shot and missed. They raced up and down the court. He took another shot and missed. Then another and another...all close but no basket.  Tension was mounting in the arena and the day room. The announcer was rambling on and on about maybe Michael Jordan's return was a mistake.  He made some reference to the fact that perhaps during the year and a half he had been off, perhaps he had lost his edge.  That remark caused Lewis to say quietly, almost to himself,  "He hasn't lost anything---he is back"  I was so excited to hear a sentence from Lewis.  It looked like to me that Lewis might also be back as well, at least for awhile.

If I am not mistaken, Michael Jordan missed his first nine shots before he connected with the most beautiful 3 pointer I have ever seen.  The auditorium erupted, so did the day room.  We were all on our feet and yelling.  The nurse came running to see what was going on.  We all settled down and so did the auditorium. The game was on.  Jordan went on to score 19 points during that game.  

Lewis even cheered.  He talked and he talked for another year almost none stop and then the depression hit him again. Dragging him down to the depths of whatever pit he often called home.

Watching Michael Jordan's return was awesome. Watching Lewis' return was a miracle.  I have learned one lesson in life from Lewis and that is to appreciate the good times. They are never permanent and are always fleeting.  But when they make an unexpected entrance celebrate like there is no tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Happy Birthday Tami

Today is Tami's 36th birthday.  Time has really escalated in my life. Except for my left knee, I don't feel any different than I did when I was 40.  I have a daughter Lisa, older than I feel. It is a weird  feeling however I think this is the way life works for most people.  And that is a good thing. It is the ying and yang of aging.

Tami was born at a odd time in our life.  Lisa was 5 years old, getting ready to start kindergarten in the Fall.  Tommy had been laid off from his construction job for about six months.  We had no money or insurance.  We also had been told that we probably would not have any more children.  She was an unexpected blessing, from the very beginning.

Mama had taken an insurance policy out on me when we lived in Georgia. She specifically wanted it to cover pregnancy.  When we took the policy to the doctor who was going to deliver Tami, we found out that it covered everything but PREGNANCY!!  Mama was furious, I was stunned and Tommy wanted to leave the country!

Our due date was March 17th.  Since Lisa was born on the day she was supposed to be born on, I assumed Tami would follow suite and make her arrival on that day.

We had just moved to a huge old house in Fulton, Ky. the week before my due date.  While unpacking a glass I cut my right thumb almost to the bone.  Tommy was in the kitchen and saw me getting ready to pass out.  He grabbed me, put a cold wash cloth on my hand and started to fuss at me for getting hurt!!  I could hear him talk from far, far away.  I knew he was scared.

I never completely passed out but it was close.  Tommy told me we were going to the emergency room.  I didn't want to go....I had no choice. He had the car running, Lisa in the backseat and was about to drag me out the back door.  My hand was dripping blood. Lisa was about to faint, huddled against the left door.  Tommy was driving like a mad man and all I could think about was, "here comes another bill".


When we got to the ER the doctor on call told me I needed stitches. I told him that I was sorry but I couldn't have stitches today. I was having a baby in a week, I had a lot to do and I did not have time for stitches.  That man was such a charmer!  He said and I quote, "I don't care how many kids you have in a week....you are getting stitches today"  Tommy smiled and I started to cry.  


I got the stitches and was sent home.  We had so much to do. My cousin Darla, came over and helped us unpack and put things away. She was literally my right hand. Mama and Mamamae were there so between all of us it got done.  Our room was set up for the baby. And the countdown was on.  


That old house turned out to look pretty in about 2 weeks.  However when March 17th rolled around, nothing happened. I felt fine.  The doctor said it could be any time. I just wasn't ready yet.   Bull, I was ready, Tami wasn't!!


Mama took me out for lunch and told me to calm down and be patient.  Never two things I have been known for, definitely a lesson I needed to learn.  I had a month to learn it in. Every day someone would call, or come by for a visit and say, "Well, haven't you had that baby yet?"  Like I was holding out on purpose!!  


Finally on April 10th after a long day of visiting family. Bonnie  and  Bobby Joe, Tommy's niece and husband, had been at Virginia's home with their new little girl, Bonita. She was born when she was supposed to be, or close to it. She was a beautiful little baby girl, looked like her Mama.  We came home and I fixed supper. I remember my sides hurting a little.  Then about four hours later, I was certain I was in labor.


Tommy and I took Lisa to Mama's and then headed for Union City, Tennessee.  Twenty hours later, about 9 a.m. on a beautiful Sunday morning Tami was born.  When she was born she cried, of course. They placed her on a table top  close to where I was.  She was so pretty. She cried for a minute longer and then stopped and started looking around.  It was like she was taking in the surroundings, trying to decide if this place suited her or not. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.  I knew from that moment she was going to be a strong woman when she grew up. At five minutes old she was already sizing up the world and deciding what she was going to change.

They took her to the nursery then. She had jaundice and needed to be put under a light and monitored.  I was taken back to my room and the nurse started an I.V.  After talking to Tommy, I began to doze off.  He left to tell our families what we had and how we were doing.  When I woke up, my arm ached. I called the nurse. The I.V. had run out or stopped working and I had a huge blood clot on my arm.  People started coming in from everywhere.  Wanting to make sure the blood clot didn't break loose.

When I finally got to hold Tami, Tommy and Lisa were there.  Tommy named Tami.  That was the deal we had made when I was in labor with Lisa. I changed the name on her and promised Tommy he could name the next one.  He held me to it.  He named her Tamatha Kay.  It is a mixture of letters from my best friends names. Tommy, Brenda and Kathy.  The Kay was my middle name.  I wanted to spell  her name different, Tami was what I picked.  His second choice in names was Casey Jo.

When it was time for me to go home from the hospital, they told me I would have to leave Tami. She still required the light treatment. I refused to go. I couldn't imagine leaving her alone in the hospital. After about 3 hours they gave in and let me take her home.  She was fine and had no problems. 


The following Sunday was Easter and we were at Virginia's to celebrate.  I love big families. So many people to love and to love you in return.


Lisa was such a good baby, however Tami was not.  If Tami had been born first, she would have been an only child!  She refused to sleep at night. In the first 18 months, she slept through the night twice, and I got up both of those nights because I was afraid she had died!  She had a mind of her own from day one.  She knew what she wanted and she wanted it right then. There is no delay switch in Tami.


I can still see Tami now at 2 years old. She was beautiful, big brown eyes.  Glossy honey brown hair, pulled up in a ponytail with strands of curls hanging loose. Both hands on her hips and mad as hell at me about something!!  I asked Tommy how he did it. He and Tami got along so good and Tami and I were always at odds.  He said "It is simple, I get along great with you.....and she is just like you are"


Music to my ears, I only wish he had told me sooner...she is so my child.  All my daughters have bits and pieces of our personalities.  I see Tommy in all of them. I see me and I see their own selves.  It is a good mixture.  They are our greatest blessings. 


I remember wishing that one day Tami would have a little girl just like her.  I smile and smile,  sometimes I even laugh out loud because Jacy is so much like Tami.  It is a pleasure to watch those two interact.  They are indeed very much alike....and that is a good thing. 


Three years later along came another surprise, Melodi.  I am saving that story for her birthday.


Happy Birthday Tami, you are such a blessing in my life and I love you like crazy!!!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Everything I Touch Today is Either Broke or Smarter Than Me.....UGh!

Today is one of those days when nothing I do seems right.  I promised  Tommy that I would mow the yard for him while he was helping a friend construct a building in the friend's back yard.  

I should have known better than to make that promise.  My mower, which is a self propelled push mower, works fine. However, I do not want to mow Hell's 2 Acres with a push mower!!!!  Tommy told me to use the old riding mower he used last week. Our new riding mower has a belt off and he hasn't fixed it yet.

Let me give you a little background info on Tommy and our mowers.  I wanted to buy a new one two weeks ago and was vetoed.  For some reason he loves this old mower that should have been pitched 15 years ago.  He is the only person who  can ride that thing.  I know it works, because he just used it.  However, starting it calls for a pick pocket, a car jacker and it wouldn't hurt if the person was a magician also!!  Did I mention it has no brakes??

I filled it up with gas. Checked out the seat because there is a board across the seat where the leather cover used to be. I sat down and was very uncomfortable.  I can't believe he rode this thing for two hours last week! I am gonna get a pillow. You have to weigh enough to keep the seat grounded.....no problem there!!!  For either of us!


Then I looked at all the gadgets that used to be there and I see an old stove knob in the place of something I am sure I need.  Why it is there is because when the doie broke, that is how Tommy fixed it. Works fine for him. Won't budge for me.


I have pushed and pulled everything imaginable on this mower to get it started. Nada!!!   It won't even make a clinking sound like it might work.  Complete silence.  I bet you $20.00 when Tommy get's home tonight, the darn thing starts right up for him.


While I am having a fit on paper, I am also cleaning out the coffee pot with vinegar!  My sinus' have never been as open as they are now. The vinegar has completely out smelled every  candle I had burning in the house. 


My new cell phone is on the charger and I am waiting to see if I can possibly get the SOB to work.  I am not at all hopeful.  I have directions spread out all over my desk. I need to use the computer and the phone to get service.  And I have about 10 other things that need to be done systematically before the sucker works.  Right this minute I can not think of one person I want to talk to bad enough to get caught up in this mess.  But I will.


I hope the little boy in Jefferson City who sold me on this phone has a wonderful day. I also hope he gets caught texting on his phone while in class!!!  


I am about through with my fit.  I am going to try the mower one more time. I need to rinse the coffee pot 2 more times and as for the cell phone----I am going to Tami's tomorrow.  I bet she can have this fixed in just a matter of minutes:)


I hope everyone has a better day than I am. Nothing major wrong here, just nothing or no one is working exactly right.  Things could be a lot worse.  I should be grateful, and I am BUT I gotta admit, I am really, really ticked right now!

 

Friday, April 6, 2012

Celebrating my Birthday VA Style

I was born April 6,1949 in Clinton, Kentucky. It was about 8 a.m. in the morning when I finally arrived. I am still a morning person!

A lot of things have happened in these 63 years. Most of it has been good. I am a blessed and a lucky woman. I know this, and I count my blessings....probably not as often as I should. Still I am grateful. I have friends and family who did not live to see 63. When I think of life in those terms, and I do that a lot, it is a blessing to be allowed to live a long, full life.

As a family, we have been celebrating birthdays off and on for 6 days. That's a lot of celebrating!  Tommy and I decided to have a low key day. He had a eye appointment at the VA today. After that we were going to eat dinner out and make an early night because tomorrow is a busy day for the both of us, starting at 5 a.m.

For some reason I enjoy going to the VA. I enjoy talking to the people I meet.  I always meet some "characters". That is right up my alley!!!  Today was no exception. While Tommy was getting his eyes dilated, I stayed in the waiting area and read. 

 I was sitting across from 3 little, and I mean 'little' ladies. These ladies were in their late 70's or early 80's and were about the size of 3rd graders. They were so cute. Two of them had trouble seeing and the third one couldn't hear. Two of the ladies were waiting for their husbands and the other lady was along for the ride.

At 3 p.m. "Dr. Phil" came on the television channel. Everyone stopped talking and started watching the t.v.  This program was about Dr. Phil and his wife and their grandchildren.  It was cute and enjoyable to me, but confused the hell out of the 3 little ladies who sat across from me. 

One little lady said very loudly, "Well, I swear they have midgets on t.v. today. I get tired of watching midgets".  Her sister said, "I believe they do and they are so ugly". This is when I put my book up and started watching the show...and it wasn't Dr. Phil either.  The third little lady said, "No they aren't midgets, they are triplets!" I looked at the screen and I see 2 beautiful little kids. A little girl who is 2 and a 6 month old little boy.  I can't help but wonder if one of these ladies drove today. That is a scary thought. I started watching them, watch Dr. Phil...again.

This is about the time the lady who can't hear says.....two octaves  too loud.". You couldn't give me 3 midgets, no sir, I'd rather have a dog"  The other two said "Now it's not their fault they are ugly. Why look at their Daddy!!"  I guess they were referring  Dr. Phil.....I guess...who knows?

They went on to discuss the "midgets and the dogs" deciding that it would be much easier to take care of a dog than 3 midgets. After listening to them talk, I tend to agree with them.


Then out of the blue, a big guy sitting across the room from us asked if Sunday was Easter. I told him it was. He said "Well, it wouldn't do for me to hide any Easter eggs.  Thirty minutes after I hid them I wouldn't remember where they were or why I hid them."


I started laughing, because I thought it was funny. One of the old ladies called me a "smart ass".  I was appalled! It would have to be the one that couldn't hear say it!!!  "Smart Ass" rang out, over and through the waiting room.  I couldn't quit laughing. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to try and get under control. 

 Finally when I came out, the old man was gone. But not the little darlins. They were back to watching Dr. Phil. Still looking at ugly midgets and longing for a dog.


I moved to the other side of the room, so I could read and stay out of their way.   As I left I heard one of them say "He sure is tall, wonder what war he fought in?" The sister said, "I'm glad he left, he's kind of odd"  That is like the kettle calling the pot black!!!!


Tommy finally comes through the double doors and has on a pair of black paper sunglasses. As we walked off, I heard one of them say,"bless his heart, he's blind! Hope that feller takes good care of him!!!"  I shake my head and keep walking.There was no point in trying to explain.  Two couldn't see me, one couldn't hear and all three thought I was a man!!  Time to just walk away.

I tried to explain my afternoon to Tommy but he was busy telling me about his eye exam. Neither one of us are sure what the other one said.  Typical for us.


It was a good day.  Odd but good....that is probably why I enjoyed myself so much. Thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. I treasure them all.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Then and Now......42 Years Does Make a Difference

April is a busy month for us. We have four birthdays within the first eleven days of the month. Logan's birthday was April 1st. He had a laser tag party at Columbia. I have to admit that I probably enjoyed that party as much as he did. I had never played laser tag.  I really did not know what I was missing!!!  I intend to play again and maybe again!!!

Tommy's birthday was yesterday April 3rd. Tami took us to Kobe's Japanese Restaurant.  That was quite a show and we thoroughly enjoyed it. I wanted a memory making night and I got it.

My birthday is Friday April 6th. Then Tami's birthday is April 11th. We basically did all our celebrating last night. It was a good time and everyone was more than delighted.

Tommy wanted to know what I would like for my birthday and I told him a truck load of dirt!!!   And I do.  Even though I live in the country,  I need dirt to fill up my boat and bathtub so I can get my flowers planted. He agreed, so hopefully the weather allows us to get it Friday.  That part of the yard is going to be really pretty.....trust me on this.  Although I am the only one who thinks there is even a remote chance I can pull this off. I have no doubts because I have already seen it in my minds eye and they are gonna love.....I hope:)

I ran across a picture of Tommy and me when he was about 23 and I was 22.  I love that picture. It was made in April after he had gotten out of the military in November. We had a family picture made that day with Lisa, but I couldn't find it today.

I remember that day so clearly.  Tommy didn't really want to have these pictures taken. Mama's birthday was May 1st and that was what she had asked for and by golly that was what she was going to get!  He wanted to go fishing.

It was a Saturday morning and on the way to the studio, Lisa went to sleep.  That always makes for a good picture making session. She didn't want to get her picture taken either.  Tommy was letting his hair grow out long. He had been forced to keep it short for four years and now it was time to let it grow. We were knee deep in music, bands and having a good time. The 70's were a great time to be alive!!


After we made the family picture, it was our turn. Tommy was giving me a hard time and refused to smile.  The photographer said , "Ok Mr. Carter, say 'women' ."  He did and he grinned from ear to ear. The butthead!!!  




I wanted to get another picture taken of us as we are now.  He is still thinking about it. Here are a few pictures made of us within the past year.  They aren't professional shots by any means, but honestly it is us. I am in a flannel shirt and jeans.  Tommy has been fishing and is thrilled with his catch. It has been 40 years since the above photo was made.

During that time we have moved 14 times in 10 years. Had two more daughters and now have two grandchildren. Bought a home and have lived here for 33 years....and we still aren't through working on it.  We have had some wonderful vacations and been blessed to see most of the United States, a lot of Canada and visited Mexico. We have been to Alaska twice and loved it.

We have been through illnesses, heart attacks, deaths, marriages, divorce's, murders, suicides and more friends than I can even start to name.  Thankfully, there were more good times than bad. We are at a place in life we worked for and longed to reach. It was worth all we went through.  Tommy is 64 and I will be 63 in a few days.  And we are happy--very happy.