The oddest thing happened to me about two months ago; the 'mini movie' located in my minds eye quit playing. There are no words, there are no stories instead my virtual circus has been replaced by normal sounds of every day life. Honestly, it is kind of boring in my mind right now. I miss the word fragments, quotes, and images thrown into the mix of my mind at unusual times of the day or night. I miss my crazy, funny muse.
I miss waking up feeling a story or a character, who visited me in my sleep, trying to slip away from my memory. I miss bouncing off the walls as I raced to write on a snippet of paper... a word, something, anything to reclaim that dream. Those were elusive times for me because I seldom remembered the story. In rapid motion, the words would slip away before I made it down the hallway. If it was a good idea it teased me by staying on the fringes of my imagination for awhile; close but just out of reach. I think those are called 'one shot ideas'; there for a few seconds and then gone like a falling star.
I received some of my best 'ideas' when driving alone. A 'mini movie' would race through my imagination and I could see the whole story in a second; or at times the right word would finally arrive. I found out the hard way, driving 70 miles an hour down the interstate while trying to jot down an idea is seldom the best of writing habits. I never thought I would miss that kind of frustration but I do.
Perhaps I am through writing for awhile. I had the urge to paint a portrait I saw the other day. It is being persistent in jogging my memories with old feelings of putting a brush to canvas and watching something appear. It is a gentle, subtle form of persistence; not the balls to the wall feeling of write it before it runs away. The thought of getting lost in color, lines and form may be what I need...a new perspective...a slower passion.
I still have my 'to do' list I made during the winter staring me in the face. The ' 40 million' plans I made then, now feel like dead weight. I do not want to do one thing on that list.
The tomato plants I bought last week need to be planted...one plant has blooms on it. I will make myself plant it today and wish it well. Truthfully, if I get those three plants in containers I will have had a busy day.
Right now my life is at a 'wait and see' stage. That is exactly what I intend to do...wait and see. The magic found me when I was a little girl. It will find me again...it knows my address.
If someone had told me last Monday I would be cooking a Thanksgiving dinner today; I would have laughed and laughed. In my 'oh so positive attitude' I get from time to time, I would have made a wager to solidify the fact that 'Mama ain't cookin' a Thanksgiving Dinner... ANY TIME SOON PERIOD!
So much for what I know about my life. In less than a couple of seconds an incredibly rude squirrel danced across our freezer, in the garage, knocking the plug out of the receptacle. Unfortunately, we discovered this little secret two days later...at least. We lost over 200 pounds of meat due to nearly everything thawing...or worse.
We salvaged a turkey, some corn on the cob, a package of diced apples and two pie crusts; everything else had to be pitched.
As soon as Tommy left this morning to go fishing with the guys, I put the turkey in a roaster. It was done by 11:30. I decided to make a pan of dressing, which led to a double apple pie. Of course we needed a salad and iced tea. I have cooked most of the day. I sincerely hope when we eat it.. we don't get sick or die from food poisoning; that would be a whole lot of cooking for nothing! However, the plot thickens; the ending of the week had competition with the beginning of the week.
Wednesday we decided to buy a new riding lawn mower. It is that time of year again. Our other mower died a long, slow death last summer. We needed this mower, however getting the mower home became an all day job. Our truck broke down and we had to make a multitude of changes to get everything worked out. I would explain it to you if I understood it myself. I was there the whole time and all I can say is 'it was a cluster mess from the start!'
In the midst all of this craziness, I had another visit from the 'Vertigo Fairy'...who by the way can kiss my wazoo! Other than all of this crap called 'life' everything else seems to be fine or at least almost normal. "Normal"... now that is a scary thought:)
I suppose it happened while we were busy living a life filled with more than our share of laughter and love; combined with a liberal dose of problems and solutions. We were young, raising a family, buying a home, working, and forever in a hurry. Aging never entered our minds. The decades passed in a blur. We went to bed with our 'to do list' planned for the next day. The thought of turning 65 was absent from our imaginations. Aging was for 'old people'...it did not apply us. We were invincible and would stay that way forever. However, plans are subject to change; so is Mother Nature. Somewhere along the way aging found us...I am still not sure how.
Perhaps it happened when our daughters grew up and moved out. They began families of their own. It may have occurred when we became grandparents.
We laughed when we received our first AARP magazine, throwing it in the trash. It was a magazine for 'older people'...not us. Now I devour it when it arrives in our mailbox. I read it from back to front. I want to see who died and who had a birthday. Of course I 'share' all this info with Tommy, who could care less.
About twenty years ago, Tommy's hair began to turn gray. It didn't happen over night but slow and steady. First a distinguished graying at the temples, then a sprinkling of white in Tommy's thick black hair. While we were busy making a living, his hair became a beautiful silver gray. I am not ready for gray hair. It will have to run a little faster to catch me.
However, when I look in the mirror I have second thoughts! The person I see in the mirror is not the person who resides in my mind. She resides in my knees at times but seldom my mind. Wrinkles are not a problem BUT all those beautiful sun tans I had for years have played havoc with my skin. I was an avid sun worshiper...in hind sight that was far from a good idea. It was life before sunscreen.
Yesterday, in the midst of heavy rains totaling more than six inches of rushing water, tornados and hail the size of quarters, Tommy and I celebrated his 66th birthday! Sunday I will be 65. We are on Medicare! This idea is as foreign to me as waking up one morning and speaking Chinese without ever studying the language. It does not seem possible but it is. What is even more unbelievable...I am glad. Our insurance premiums are at last a manageable price.
We do not mind these changes; it is the IDEA of the changes that boggles our mind. We are active, busy people, still chasing dreams we waited a lifetime to pursue.
Act IV in our lives continues to be exciting and laid back at the same time. We look forward to the new experiences on our 'Bucket List'. There are many ideas to try and trips yet to be taken. In June we are going to Key West...those lovely islands will never be the same. Once again it doesn't take much to make us happy. I for one, am betting the rest of my life on that thought.
Happy Birthday to the love of my life. I wouldn't have missed our life together for all the money in the world.
