What Happens when the Movie Reel Stops Rolling...

   The oddest thing happened to me about two  months ago;  the 'mini movie' located in my minds eye quit playing. There are no words, there are no stories instead my virtual circus has been replaced by normal sounds of every day life. Honestly, it is kind of boring in my mind right now.  I miss the word fragments, quotes, and images thrown into the mix of my mind at unusual times of the day or night. I miss my crazy, funny muse.

    I miss waking up feeling a story or a character, who visited me in my sleep, trying to slip away from my memory. I miss bouncing off the walls as I  raced to write on a snippet of paper... a word, something, anything to reclaim that dream. Those were elusive times for me because I seldom remembered the story. In rapid motion, the words would slip away before I made it down the hallway. If it was a good idea it teased me by staying on the fringes of my imagination for awhile; close but just out of reach. I think those are called 'one shot ideas'; there for a few seconds and then gone like a falling star.

    I received some of my best 'ideas' when driving alone.  A 'mini movie' would race through my imagination and I could see the whole story in a second;  or at times the right word would finally arrive.  I found out the hard way, driving 70 miles an hour down the  interstate while trying to jot down an idea is seldom the best of writing habits.  I never thought I would miss that kind of frustration but I do.

   Perhaps I am through writing for awhile. I had the urge to paint a portrait I saw the other day. It is being persistent in jogging my memories with old feelings of putting a brush to canvas and watching something appear. It is a gentle, subtle form of persistence; not the balls to the wall feeling of write it before it runs away.  The thought of getting lost in color, lines and form may be what I need...a new perspective...a slower passion. 

   I still have my 'to do' list I made during the winter staring me in the face. The ' 40 million' plans I made then,  now feel like dead weight. I do not want to do one thing on that list.

   The tomato plants I bought last week need to be planted...one plant has blooms on it. I will make myself plant it today and wish it well.  Truthfully, if I get those three plants in containers I will have had a busy day.

   Right now my life is at a 'wait and see' stage. That is exactly what I intend to do...wait and see.  The magic found me when I was a little girl. It will find me again...it knows my address.