2014 in Review...Part One...

Personally, I am very glad 2014 is almost over. Unfortunately that is my negative voice talking three octaves louder than my thankful voice. I am a blessed woman. I know it, I believe it however, I do not always remember this fact. I allowed negativity to take root and grow in my mind this past year. That is one mindset  I intend to change in 2015.

The photo to the left is on my 65th birthday.  Tommy had turned 66 three days before.  We were on our way to dinner.  We weathered a horrible storm on his birthday.  My day was more calm.  However, we enjoyed both days, making a few memories to add to other birthday's we have shared.  It was difficult for me to wrap my mind around my new age. Mentally I didn't feel any different than I did when I turned 40, however my knees and back would beg to differ with me on that statement.  Over the next few months I accepted my age. I liked who I was becoming.  Years ago those words would have never entered my mind. I can now look at old photos of me and think 'I was pretty' no one could have made me believe it back then.  For the first time in my life I wanted to do something I swore I would never ever do. I wanted to see  how much grey hair was hiding under the color 'almond toast'. By Christmas I would know the answer to that question.

Our birthday's weren't the only milestones in our family.  Tami's birthday was on the 11th.  The photo shown was taken at a book signing in Columbia a few months later. Over the course of the past few years, Tami has become a published author with four books in print and two other books soon to be published. She is amazing!! Tommy and I are proud of her and for her. Tami lives her life out loud and to the fullest.

                                                 


Logan, our grandson,  became a two digit number on his birthday, April 1st.  His home was packed with feisty, funny little boys accompanied by a huge 'Mind Craft' cake. 

 On October 30th Jacy turned 13. We have a teenager in our immediate family for the first time in twenty two years!! Jacy was born on Melodi Rae's 22nd birthday. It is hard to believe 'our baby girl'  is 35.

                             My two favorite teenagers!!!
                         

                                         

                              I love this photo. Melodi was baking!


Then came May. Tommy and I received a phone call from Lisa. It was a conversation that literally knocked  the breath out of us. Lisa told us she  had a brain tumor. There was more than a good chance it was cancer. The doctors could not be positive without a pathology report however they were preparing for the worst, hoping for the best AND they were going  to operate.  I had known for several months something was wrong in Florida. I just did not know what it was.  Never, ever did I suspect a brain tumor.  Without a doubt Lisa is the strongest woman I know.  She was about to graduate from college in June. All our family  had bought airline tickets to attend. Lisa was adamant that she would graduate and we would go to the Florida Keys to celebrate...and we did.  How she kept her mind on her studies I will never understand...she just did it!  Our family arrived within days of each other.  Mikey Salisbury flew down with Tami. She made us laugh until we literally cried. Her stories of Mardis Gras were priceless.  Everyone  had a good time and the thought of cancer was rammed  as far back in our minds as it would allow. We all came to Florida to celebrate Lisa and celebrate Lisa we did.


                                  

                     

My favorite photo of the graduation. That is a million dollar smile...

                     
                                             

One quick shot before we leave to attend Lisa's graduation

                                                    
                            
                 

At Lisa's Graduation Dinner

 

 

                                                     

                                     Melodi and Lacey...

                                         
                                                

                                  
                                         Key West ...

                             
                                           

                                
                                   Mile Marker 90 miles to Cuba..

                                   
                                Lynn, Lisle's sister, went to Key West with us
                            We had a blast!!!


All too soon it was time to return home. Reality set in once again. It was days of 'hurry up and wait'. My imagination turned rabid.  Everything I read about her type of brain tumor said she had from three to ten years to live. I could not accept those words. I could not imagine a life without Lisa. Fear dominated my days and nights.  The doctor finally called to tell Lisa when the operation would be...July 22.  I arrived at Ft. Meyers on July 19th.  To be continued... 

                                

I Have Never Fought in a War BUT I Have Served Several Tours of Last Minute Christmas Shopping...

It is true, I have never fought in an actual war but I have served several tours of duty in last minute Christmas shopping. I have engaged in this act for the past several years and that is close enough to war for me. 

Every year Tommy and I vow that we will not wait until the week before Christmas to do our shopping.  And every year we wake up a week or ten days  before Christmas with a naked Christmas tree in our living room. A tree in dire need of presents underneath its fake branches, and a head throbbing realization that Santa isn't bringing squat if we don't go shopping. 

It is always a surprise when we hear it is Dec. 12th.  That means we only have twelve days until Christmas.  It also  means we need a list, sizes, ideas, a large cup of coffee and a plan of attack.  It  means we are out there in the trenches with all the other more organized Christmas shoppers who already have their bags full and look at us with pity.  We have that 'deer in the headlights look' and the other shoppers know that we are late in joining the war.

The roads are packed with shoppers in a hurry for the 'blue light special'.  The highway patrol are vigilant and everywhere  as we are forced to drive along at a reasonable speed.  I am riding 'shotgun' and very anxious to move a little faster because I know we are missing out on bargains.  I ask Tommy to 'Hurry up'.  Once again he goes deaf and obeys the speed limit.

Today is day three of our units plan to 'Conquer Christmas Shopping' ASAP!  One of us is AWOL...still asleep. The other one, me,  is about to make enough noise the raise the dead, in hopes of waking up Sgt. Carter.  If all goes according to plan we should be in town by noon, the mission should be completed by 4 and home by 6 p.m.  If we do not make it home by six, something has gone wrong. Please call in the reserves and make sure they are loaded with money.  Over and out.

Missing Carol Shea...

Carol Shea died a year ago today.  Not a day goes by without Carol darting in and out of my memories. With all my heart I wish she were still alive. It is hard to fathom,  I will probably never have another 'best friend' in my lifetime.  It takes years to fine tune a friendship like we had. Years to be comfortable sharing your life with someone---warts and all. Years of sharing adventures, secrets, grief, laughter and the craziness we called our lives.  I probably do not have enough time left or the inclination to have another 'best friend.'  I am blessed with Tommy. He is my soul mate and my dearest friend ever...no one comes close.  However,  he is my husband and there were times I needed Carol to let me vent about him. I told Carol  things no one else will ever know. She did the same with me.  I knew her ex-husband without ever having met Jim. I knew her life story.  She carried our secrets to her grave and that is where they would stay...

If only Carol had a 'grave'.  She was cremated and her ashes are now in Texas.  Years ago Carol convinced me cremation was the way to leave this world. It was cheaper, and I wouldn't be stuck in a dark,wet hole. Neither option appealed to me however, Tommy and I finally decided on cremation too.  A funeral is so expensive, however after this past year I am not so sure anymore about cremation.  There have been many days when I wished I could go and sit down by her tombstone and talk to her.  There is something comforting in the act of placing flowers on a grave. A grave is final but not erased from existence the way it is with cremation. All that is left of the physical body are ashes to be placed in a vase or thrown in the ocean. It is no longer a certainty for me...

I was Christmas shopping, on line yesterday,  when I stumbled upon  Carol's Christmas present.  If she were alive today I would have bought it yesterday for her.   It's called the "Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure".  It is a tall blonde doll in a ratty bathrobe with six or seven cats hanging around her. I laughed when I saw this doll. Carol would have too. I think she would have bought it for her sister Punky.  It would have eventually been known as the year of the Crazy Cat Lady Christmas dolls.  We would have had many a laugh over these presents.  Carol always referred to herself, when we talked about the future, as "being the old lady sitting on the porch with a shot gun and forty million cats running around."   I could see it then and I can see it now.

In fact the last conversation we had was about those damn cats. She had been admitted to the hospital in Jefferson City. For weeks she had been getting sicker and sicker.  In fact we had at least two arguments because I wanted to take her to the doctor or emergency room  and she refused to go. On her last morning she called me about 6:30 in the morning...crying.  She was being admitted to the hospital because she was throwing up blood. Carol was crying as  she made me promise to take care of her cats. In my usual tactful way I said, "Fuck those cats!! Carol you are too sick to worry about them!" Through tears she said, "Promise me Vicky...promise me... you have to do this!  I love you and Tommy."  I told her we loved her and I would take care of those damn cats. I heard her laugh and then she hung up the phone. She died two days later.

I miss you Carol Shea...

A Glimpse of Christmas at Our House... for my Daughters

Good morning girls, I woke up thinking about each of you today. I miss you all  like  crazy.  Since we can not be  together at Christmas this year, I decided to photograph our home for you all to see.  I wanted you to have a glimpse once more of Christmas at Mama and Daddy's.   Girls, before anyone says anything...the walls are not this color yellow. They are a soft  'sunshine yellow'.  The camera I have now is on its last shot...literally.  I hope Santa brings me a new camera for Christmas.

Once again, I decided to 'downsize' this year, just like I have tried  to 'downsize' for the past five years in every area of our lives.  Instead of one 7 ft. tree we now have a 4 foot tree in the living room and 3,  2 foot trees scattered around the house.  It was not supposed to go this way, however 'trees' kept following me home each time I made a shopping trip to town. When it comes to 'downsizing'...I am a work in progress.

I was very proud of us when we decided to donate our two large trees to a thrift shop in town. I asked the owner to make sure these trees went to a family with little children.  She assured me they would.  I came home and put up our little four foot tree. That took three minutes! I ran out of room for our lifetime of decorations, starting with our wedding, which was the day after Christmas. I could not leave out any decoration.  I felt like if I did, I was almost deleting a memory from our past. 

About that time,  I remembered the small tree I bought for Mama the first year she was in ICF. It was fiber optic and Mama enjoyed the changing colors.  It was the only year she did.  She lost Christmas over the following years.  ICF, in Clinton,  is a beautiful place any time of the year but especially at Christmas. The last few years of Mama's life she was oblivious to Christmas.  I put Mama's tree in Jacy's bedroom. Both Jacy and Mama will approve of this idea.  I probably should have cleaned this room before I made photos. As I look at the messy room I realize  Jacy has outgrown this room.  Soon' One Direction' Posters will be replaced with visions of Paris, France. Her dresser will be painted a different color.  I am pretty sure she wants lime green  or teal walls...me not so much. However it is her room and  she is a teenager now. I imagine some day in the near future we will go through her 'toys' and her movies; packing up her childhood and taking it to Goodwill.  Some things I will keep because of the memories attached.

When I look at the photo I remember all the other people who have called this room theirs before Jacy.  I think at one time or another we have all claimed this room for a period of time. The room was Tommy and my first bedroom in our home. We had the same dresser only it was painted solid white. It had belonged to Mamamae originally. This room has been many, many  different colors of paint; a time or two it was wall papered. Once when Tami was in college, I turned it into a den for video games and teenagers.  It is a room filled with memories dating back to 1978.
                                          
                                 

I still had about two dozen ornaments left. I began to put them around the house. I bought a small tree for Logan's room.  I haven't put it up yet. I am waiting to get inspired to paint his room. It will be done in a Marine Corps theme...hopefully before Christmas.

 My sunroom was the last room to be decorated. I hated to put my 'beach themes' away for winter.  When I am in this room, ideas flow easy.  I do my best writing here.  I have quiet when I want to read or need to write. I also can have it as loud as I desire when I paint or sketch. The Eagles are never far away.

                         

Red is my favorite color.  It speaks of life and emotion, love and blood. I have splashes of red everywhere.  If I were a crayon...I would be red.  Several rooms in my home are painted different shades of yellow.  It is a warm color and looks beautiful when the sun shines through our windows. There is a small glow cast around the room always making me think of sunrise and sand.
               

                           
                            My favorite corner in my home.

                                

 The rest of the house has splashes of Christmas scattered everywhere. In the kitchen is my version of "Elf on a Shelf". Melodi was telling me about their elves and wouldn't you know it... an elf followed me home yesterday:) The coffee  cup,  the elf is dabbling in, has a special meaning. I ordered Lisa and me a pair of these coffee cups when I stayed with them this past summer. Lisa had been through so much. It was one of those days when our family was not in sync with the rest of the world...and that was fine with us. We laughed as we ordered two coffee cups stating  " Don't Talk to Me Until I Have had my Coffee--a splash of Kahlua, then 2 Xanax, A Little Quiet Time, and a Good Cry." It fit us perfectly that day.
                                              
I finally decorated the den.  It has been downsized a lot too but deer season still isn't over.  I can only do so much with a corner full of camo.     

                   

Other photos of the house. Decorations are scattered here and there. You know how we are;  we surround ourselves with photos of  "people we love and places we have been." to quote Lisa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I hope these photos provide you all with a feeling of what our home is like during the holidays this year. I still have the smell of cinnamon and vanilla in the air. Pumpkin spice has found a new home here too.  Daddy and I send everyone our love and we wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

 

 

Unlikely Allies...

   Two weeks ago I received a instant message from a friend I have never met in person, however that has never been a problem for us.  We know each other as friends should.  It is doubtful we will ever meet, face to face, in this lifetime. We became friends five years ago on Facebook, traded postcards and small gifts and then we began to trade stories about our lives.  She is my 'favorite Communists' and I am her 'favorite Capitalists'. 

There is a nine hour difference in our time zones mixed with a span of thousands of miles and an ocean to cross.  Often when we talk it is Sunday for her and still Saturday for me. I am retired and I keep odd hours because I like to write in the middle of the night. She is a new mother and her daughter does not sleep through the night yet. On those nights or early mornings, when neither of us can sleep,  we meet on our computers to trade life stories.

  The other night she asked me, "Vicky, do you think we will have another world war?"  I paused for a long time...thinking about the question.  She sent me another message, "Are you there?"

   "I'm here...I am thinking about your question." I replied. I was hesitant to answer her question.  My view of a world war had begun to play out in the news for months.  Our countries are basically enemies...and yet we are two mothers who are unlikely friends.  I finally said, "I think there will be another world war eventually."

  It was her turn to be quiet. Finally, I asked, "Are you there?"  After a deafening silence she said, "I'm here."  Several powerful minutes later she wrote, "I think so too." 

   I am sure we were both glancing at our computer screens while  thinking very serious frightening thoughts.  She was holding her infant daughter.  I was stirring a cup of lukewarm coffee and staring off into the space above my computer.

   At last I wrote, "I think I need to go... talk to you later."  Instantly she replied, "Me too..." 

   A poem by Robert Frost came to mind. I started to send a quote  to her but decided against it. She was taking care of her baby and that was much more important. However, the poem remains stuck in my mind:

    "Some say the world will end in fire.
      Some say in ice.
      From what I've tasted of desire
      I hold with those who favor fire..."

  I am afraid we have gone too  far to turn back now. The play is in motion.  We are just along for the ride.

  

  





   

  

Cutting Down a Memory Maker...

When we woke up this morning we knew, before the day ended, our last soft maple tree in the front yard would be cut down.

 I hated to cut this tree down. I also had become somewhat afraid of her existence. She had outgrown her spot in the yard; leaning too far over our home. It was a matter of time before the unpredictable weather caused her to fall on our house. Wind had caused damage earlier in the spring when a force of nature ripped part of the north facing tree off, landing the limbs and branches in my flower bed. That was our first major wake up call concerning the life of that tree. Wednesday we talked about the tree and Friday we took the tree down.

Jody, our other brother, did the cutting. Tommy had a rope tied to the truck keeping the tension tight  as Jody began to saw the 60 foot tree down at its base. I took photos of the tree as it fell. There were four shots fired from the tree as it slowly began to ease toward the ground. The cracking of the tree was loud.  It popped and snapped as it fought to stand erect.  I saw the top branches sway back and forth ever so slightly as she began to loose control. For some reason I took several steps backwards,  knowing full well I was already out of the danger zone.

I had moved all my yard decorations out of the front yard earlier that morning. I placed our flag

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in an abandoned satellite pole so
it could keep flying during the whole process. Slowly the tree began to fall. I was worried about Jody and Tommy. I wasn't 100% sure Tommy was far enough away. He was. I worried that the rope might break from all the stress and tension. It didn't. I was worried that Jody might get hurt
in a kick back from the tree.  He didn't. Everything went according to plan. In less than a couple of minutes the 60 year old tree lost the battle and landed hard and loud in our front yard .

                          


                    

 

The tree hit the ground with a shrieking crash and a mighty slam. It continued to snap and pop for a few minutes as limb after limb gave up the fight.  Within fifteen minutes a male cardinal landed in the mess of limbs and tangled branches. I was surprised to see this and missed the photo as I watched in amazement. Two hours later the tree was filled with juncos, finches, sparrows and a few cardinals. Once again they claimed their section of our tree.

As I walked toward the tree I had a 'moment' when a ton of memories and photos flashed through my mind. I remembered the fairy gardens, the sand boxes, swing sets,and our first hummingbird feeder as it  hung from this tree. I remember nights when we sat outside in a swing, watching the kids play.  I remembered nights when Tommy would bring his guitar outside to sing and play music as the sun set and darkness crept in taking over the night shift.  I also remembered funny times.  Once  Lisa and I were sitting in an old red swing.  The back broke and both of us hit the ground with our feet straight up in the air. We all laughed until I think we cried.  Even then it didn't take much to make us happy.

That tree served its purpose and will continue as we cut the wood up for next years heat. It is all part of the cycle of life...and such a nice life it has been.

My Beautician Pulled a Great Halloween Trick...

I made up my mind, about a year ago, I wanted to let my hair return to its natural color. It had been such a long, long time since I had seen my real color,  I wasn't  sure what I would find. Tommy asked me for several years to "quit messin' with my hair and just let it go natural."  I turned a deaf ear to all that nonsense.  I wasn't ready by any means to go grey. However, my hair was. The crazy mess stopped holding color. I had a silver streak in my bangs that refused to be covered up for any length of time. Slowly, I changed my mind and became excited about the color...so did my hair dresser.  She was surprised at how dark the back of my hair really is. She teased me that the hair color I wanted for years was the color of my natural hair and I just didn't know it!

My hair still had a lot of red at the very ends that really needed to be cut off.  My best guess was  two more hair cuts and I would be back to good ole Mother Nature's original plan.  I called and asked my friend if she could  trim my hair. She was booked solid but said she could give me a trim on Halloween if that was fine with  me.  It was.  Tommy and I were going to town that day anyway for our annual 'getting engaged' dinner and some shopping.

I walked in to the salon and had to wait a few minutes.  I am never without a book, a pen, paper or a copy of the Constitution so I can  easily entertain myself.  In a few minutes I was called back. When I rounded the corner there stood my friend  looking nothing like she usually does. It took a minute to realize that the person I was looking at was my friend.  She started laughing and so did I. I had to have a picture of her.  I wanted to know if she "was up to cutting hair today because I could always come back when she was more herself."  We had a good laugh and then she sat me in the chair and cut nearly all of the red out of my hair.
goo

I asked her if I could write a blog about this and good natured person that she is, said it would be fine...just do not mention her name. No one will recognize her I am certain.  I also learned her husband helped fix her hair that morning. She had freckles and cold cream blotched on her face. She was by far the best trickster  I saw Halloween.


Here is the outcome of our adventure.  I am almost 95% natural...and my friend, is also back to normal.  Her husband no longer fixes her hair before she goes to work.  All in all it was a good Halloween for everyone at the beauty shop...and I am almost 'normal' ...and they said it couldn't be done!