June 1,2007 ---- A Life and Death Story

            This is an all too true story.  It could have had two different endings.  At the time we didn't realize the severity of our situation.

            It was a Saturday morning and Tommy and I had just arrived home from work.  We were both tired.  He had worked both of his days off and I had worked a rowdy ward and was mentally exhausted from mind games that were played all night.

          We were drinking coffee, talking about our night and trying to decide what we wanted for breakfast, when the phone rang.  It was one of our best friends Jody.   He needed Tommy's help with a side job, that had to be done that day.

         Ordinarily, Tommy would immediately say "yes" but today he just didn't really feel like it.  Jody told him that he hated to ask but the two guys who were supposed to help him do the job, got drunk the night before and couldn't work. Jody's son was going to help and he really needed Tommy.  He said the job wouldn't take long and he would be home by noon.  Tommy agreed and they were gone within a few minutes.

        The weather was ominous.  It looked like it could storm any minute and they had a tree to cut down, just outside of Fulton.

       By the time they got there it had started to sprinkle and Tommy had begun to sweat profusely.  He was loading the truck as Jody cut the tree. 

       Tommy had to sit down and he sat where a copperhead was hiding.  Someone spotted it and killed the snake.  Tommy started to get sick at his stomach, and to hurt and burn across his shoulders.  He thought he had been snake bit.  He asked Jody's son Ryan to get him something to drink.... and threw up.  Tommy kept getting sicker and finally told Jody he needed to go to the Emergency Room.

       They stopped what they were doing and were in the truck heading for help as fast as they could.  Tommy drove!!!!  That man refuses to give up the wheel no matter what!!!  Luckily, they were only a few miles from the emergency room and were there soon.

      As soon as  he walked in, the team knew what was going on. One of the R.N.'s was a friend of Tommy's and he told Tommy to relax and  let him take care of him.  He was given 4 baby aspirins and everyone started working on him. He was in the middle of a major heart attack.

     He kept asking for me.  Jody was trying to call me on the phone, however it was Saturday morning and I was touching base with all my daughters.  We were on the phone for an hour.

      Finally, Jody called his wife Bambi and asked her to come and tell me what was going on.  Bless her heart, she had a broken foot, four grandchildren to load in the van and it had started to rain fairly hard.  As soon as she pulled into the driveway, I knew something was wrong.  She was so sweet, she asked to take me to the emergency room because she thought Tommy was having a heart attack and she was afraid for me to drive.

     I thanked her and ran back in the house. I told her I would drive myself.  I couldn't think for a minute. Then grabbed my purse, keys and took off to Fulton.

      We live twenty five miles from Fulton, about fifteen miles if you take the gravel road. I took the gravel road and was lucky that I literally didn't run into anyone else on the road.

       I remember I was shaking and on the verge of tears and  praying out loud.  I was in my Blazer but I still had lousy traction on the gravel.  As soon as I got to the E.R. a nurse was waiting for me at the door. She told me they were getting ready to transport Tommy to Columbia ,and that he was worried about me.

       She told me to run over to him and let him see that I was ok. I gave him a kiss and told him I would see him in Columbia.

     I ran to the door to get Jody and a nurse was holding the door open for me. Have you ever asked someone as question, expecting a certain positive answer and then hearing just the opposite.

     I did that. I asked the nurse if Tommy was "going to be alright".  I was expecting a "Yes honey, he will be fine"  Instead I heard, "I don't know honey, he is right in the middle of a major heart attack---drive safely and pray.  It is in God's hands now". " The main thing is to make sure you get there safely."That was all I heard.

      Fear gripped my heart and I couldn't hardly breath.  Jody came up to me and asked me to drive. He has an old eye injury and has trouble seeing at times. He was as big a mess as I was.  He told me to take it easy but drive as fast as I could because the ambulance was on the  highway and cars were getting between us.

     I put on my emergency flashers and stomped the gas. We caught up with the ambulance ---who was in the passing lane going 90 mph.  I got behind them and followed as close as possible.

     The police were waiting for us at the road that turns into Boone Hospital.  They stopped traffic and Tommy was bought in through the emergency room doors.

     A nurse was there for Jody and me and took us to a waiting room.  I had already called Tami while I was on the way to the hospital.  She contacted our other daughters and plans were made. Tami was there first, then Melodi came in from Kansas City, and Lisa flew in from Naples, Florida.  Friends came.  It was all a blur for awhile.  The doctor came out and said "Tommy would be fine.  They had put in one stent and then told me he came within 30 minutes of dying.

     I think of all the things I heard that day----that sticks out in my mind the most.  Without knowing it, Tommy made a decision that saved his life.  He decided to help Jody.

     If he had ate breakfast and gone to bed he would have died in his sleep.  We live 25 miles from town---41 miles from Columbia.  He would have died if he had been home.  He probably never would have woke up.


      That makes me wonder about all the decisions we make each day.  They very easily could be life or death decisions----that we never know about.

      We all basically live by action and reaction.  We make plans, they either work or they don't.  We react.  Usually the consequences are never noticed.  But every now and then we realize or we get a slap in the face by reality that we are mortal. We are here for such a short time compared to eternity.  It can slip away in the blink of an eye.

      Tommy is fine. We retired in 2009.  We do what we want and are thankful for each day.  Life is good and for that I am eternally thankful.  Good decision Tommy---the best one you ever made.


    

 

When Ghosts Talk

     For some reason  I have always been fascinated by war.  The guts it takes to sign a piece of paper saying that you are basically giving your life over to your country for 2, 4, 8 years or for a life time.  It is as sacred a vow as marriage should be, and it is taken seriously by young men and women daily.

     Young people who are one day playing video games, working at odd jobs, falling in love, or just looking for their place in the world.  The next day they are in boot camp and learning how to follow orders, combat skills and how to keep themselves and their buddies alive.

    A big part of me has always wished I had joined the military after high school. I graduated in 1967 and Viet Nam was going strong. My father had a fit and refused to even discuss it. I was going to college or to work but I was not going to Viet Nam!!!

     I was so immature when I graduated from high school, I probably would have made a terrible soldier.  I wanted to be a medic.  I don't even know if they let women then do that but it was one of my dreams that never materialized. I figured I would become an LPN  and maybe later a nurse.  I had a million things I wanted to become....a social worker, an artist, a writer,  I wanted to backpack through Europe.  That went over, just about as good as going to Viet Nam.

     Where I failed to follow through with some of my many plans, I did become a soldiers wife and a soldiers mother.

     Life comes at us from all sides and seldom do we see the pattern at the time.  Sometimes we never see it, but it is there all the same.  I married Tommy in 1969.  He was a Marine and we were stationed at that time at NAS Atlanta, later we went Yuma, Arizona for 18 months where our first daughter was born.  He decided not to re-up because he didn't want to be away form us.  I will always be proud to have shared that time with him.  He is my hero.

      Years later, Tami, my middle daughter, came to me and asked me my advice about joining the military.  Part of me wanted to say "Yes, it is an experience you will not get any place else."  The mother part of me wanted to say "No, you could get killed, you will come back changed, play it safe"  But inside I was remembering how I felt when I was trying to figure out where my place was in this world.

     I finally told her basically what I have just said. It is one of those things in life you cannot predict the outcome.  Once the pledge is signed, there is no changing your mind.  I made her decide, and told her I would support her either way.  She enlisted in the Army National Guard from 1996-2004. She was amazing and a good soldier.

      One day while I was at work, her friend and "battle buddy" let it slip that she and Tami had volunteered to go to Bosnia.  My heart immediately went to my throat.  It turns out they didn't go, but for a Mom it was a close call. 

      While Tommy and I were at the VA yesterday, I spotted the picture at the top of my page. This image does not do the picture justice.

      I was captured by the photo,  I could not stay away from it. Three times I made my way to look at it more closely.  Finally I took a snap shot.  I probably wasn't supposed to do that, however no one tried to stop me.

      I look at the photo and hear the voices of 100's of men.  I hear whispers  "it wasn't in vain"  One man looks so afraid, another so young.  One man a captive, another on the move, forever forward.  It speaks to me of a courage under the worst of circumstances.  Of lives lost for a victory they never saw.  It makes me proud of these men and all the other men and women who have fought and given their best....sometimes their ultimate best--their lives.

      The men in the trees, speak to the men on the ground  "Go on, Push Harder, some say "be careful----you don't have to win the war by yourself" I think some are saying "we are always with you and if you don't make it we will be there to meet you and carry you home"  Others are saying "I have your back". Some say "I surrender"---horrible words for a soldier forced to repeat.

     Whatever, the photo speaks, it touches my heart.  Our world right now is so unstable.  The Middle East could explode at any minute. There are so many people so angry with each other.  Some trying to protect, others trying to destroy.  All believing they are right no matter how wrong some are.

     However we still have brave men and women fighting, working, trying to make this world a safer, better place to live for those we love and for those we will never meet. There is very little room left for compromise.

     Remember this Memorial Day our fallen soldiers.  Remember their actions, and their results.  Listen for their voices. Let them speak to your heart---let them tell you their secrets.

                    God bless America and God help these men to not have died in vain.

Thelma and Louise ----Hit the Road Again!!!

             I have a new mantra for the rest of my life---"If Not Now,---When". This saying has been rolling around in my head for a couple of years.  I don't remember where I first heard it, but I remember thinking, "that's it----that's how I feel and how I want to live the rest of my life"

            Sometimes people get so caught up in working, loving, taking care of others that they loose sight of their own lives.  I can testify to this first hand.  By nature I am a caregiver, a lover and a fighter for the underdog.  However, life goes by so fast. One day you are giving birth to a precious baby and almost in the blink of an eye, that baby is grown and going off on his own.  And that is a good thing.  It is the way life works.

           Most people try to find jobs that they enjoy, coupled with the fact that this career choice will have retirement benefits to help them continue to live in the style they have become accustomed to living. We draw up wills, so the people we love are cared for after we are gone.

          After all this is taken care of, comes the "Ah Ha" moment when we realize that we have done our part---now it is our time to live and do all the things we put on hold while we were being responsible adults.  Tommy and I had a long talk about this a few months ago.  Then we had another talk after his doctors appointment  and the news we received wasn't what we were expecting.  We decided to live by this slogan  "If Not Now ---When?"....and to live it to the fullest.

           We are no longer joined at the hip. We realize that there are certain things that each of us enjoy doing that the other one really has no interest in doing.  Nothing wrong with this.  It is just being an individual---pursuing a life worth living.

          When my youngest daughter called and asked if I could house sit for her, I jumped at the chance.  I asked Tommy if he wanted to go to Kansas City for a few days and he said "NO, but you can---I'm going fishing".  I then called Carol and asked her if she wanted to get away for a few days.  Before I could get the whole plan out she had already said "YES!!!" 

         We were so excited, when the day finally arrived we had enough "stuff" packed to last a month, we were only going for 5 days.....but this is Missouri and it is better to err on the side of too much as opposed to not enough. 

        When Carol and I travel, I do all the driving. When Tommy and I travel, he does all the driving.  I don't care how tired he gets---I don't get the wheel.

        Considering I was born in a small town in Kentucky and for the last 32 years have lived in the country, I am amazed that I love to drive in the city.  We lived in Atlanta, Georgia for about 4 years and I hated driving there. To drive in Atlanta at that time was to take your life in your own hands and hope that the other people were in the same mindset as you were. There was always one idiot that wasn't!!!   It is the same in all cities, it just doesn't bother me anymore.

        Carol and I didn't make any concrete plans.  We decided to do what we wanted to ---when we wanted to and leave it at that.  We both like antique shops and oddball out of the way stores.  When we passed the The Brass Armadillo Store, we knew we were coming back to that store for  sure. 

        The only problem was that somewhere between the sign on the road and Melodi's townhouse, we forgot the name of the place.  I was sure it was called the "The Green Artichoke".  We asked for directions every place we went, and to our surprise no one knew where is was.  I described it to everyone and they just shook their heads.  After much ado about nothing, we found the place.

        From the interstate there is no exit. To get there, we had to drive to a little town, go the back road and turn into the back side of the place. Weird as heck!!!!  But so worth it. The parking lot was full---good sign. 

       As soon as we entered we knew were going to have fun. I guess we stayed about 2-3 hours the first day and only covered 1/4 of the store. We went back the next day and covered about the same amount.  Carol looks for precious stones and old jewelry.  I look for postcards, the older the better and for newspapers of years gone by

      I bought some great cards, 2 newspapers from WW11 . They are amazing, and 3 quartz rocks with the most unusual shapes I have ever seen.  I have a fairly good collection of rocks and seashells.  Carol found all sorts of jewelry that she wanted, so our haul we made in 2 days, was worth all the looking and walking.


      The next day we went to the Mall and to Barnes and Noble. I could live in that store!!! We had made plans to go to the 11 a.m. movie "Like Water for Elephants".  We were anxious to see how Robert Pattinson did in his lead role.  We were very impressed, not once did I think of him as "Edward" from the Twilight series.  It was a good easy going morning.

    Everything went according to plan at Melodi's except for the security alarm. We had to call her once about that.  It wouldn't quit beeping and I just knew the cops were going to show up any minute. I have a feeling we slept with the alarm off the whole time we  were there.

    We had a wonderful time and we get to do it all again in June!!!!  This time we are going to the zoo----I want to ride a camel!!!!   Carol said if I do, she will play like she doesn't know me!!!  I will so embarrass her!!

     The return trip was without any trouble.  As soon as I pulled into the driveway, Tommy hollered,  "Hey baby, glad you are home!!!!  Come help me put up this tent!!!!"  The last thing I wanted to do was put up a tent---but we did, as I told him about our trip. The only thing that interested him was the newspapers----those he liked. I also bought him a knife and a sign that says  "Fisherman's Cove".   I am pretty sure that is going up in the den somewhere.   I probably should have rethought that sign.  Too late now!!!

     It was fun to get away and not have any responsibilities.  It was also good to get back home.  I missed my life at home----but I also enjoyed the trip and look forward to many more.  After all, if we don't live our lives to the fullest now----when will we?

Life in the Petri Dish

          I wouldn't know "normal" if it bit me in the butt!!!  However, I do know love, compassion, empathy, regret, rage, disappointment and its opposing force contentment.

         I know that being "unforgiving" will bind you to the person you cannot bring yourself to forgive. I know that its opponent "forgiveness" is the flip side of the same coin.  Forgiveness, is the freeing side, the deal breaker, and the restorer of lost time.

         I know that laughter and humor can make the worst situations bearable.

         I know I have a promise to keep.  While my mother was dying of Alzheimer's, I promised her that I would write her story.  Generations from now, I want our descendants to know "Monya", "Miss Betty", "Betty Lou" and "Mama".  I want them to know her as we did. Also to know her story as I have just found out over the past two years.  There were so many secrets. It may not matter to anyone else, but it matters to me.  A promise made is a promise kept.

        I will continue to write my blog "It Doesn't Take Much to Make me Happy".  In addition I will begin writing another blog entitled,  "In the Petri Dish"  I named it that because, this blog is a growing organism.  I really don't know the outcome.  I just know it wants to be written.  And I would really like to sleep again.  The 2.a.m. rendezvous are nice but just a little bit tiring on a morning person.  So I will write and tell her story---really our story.

       As I write more and more, I find that being from the South has affected my life more than I ever imagined.  When I go "home" to Kentucky I feel differently.  I am a part of something that is gone.  I have no home there anymore.  I have my father, friends and family but something is missing. 

       As soon as I cross the Kentucky State Line, always accompanied by the blaring of my horn,  I feel unhinged.  All the old familiar feelings rise to the surface, almost as fast as the Mississippi River is rising back there now.  Some feelings are good and others stink like rotten flesh. However, they are always waiting for me, ready to step back in time--whether I want to or not.

      I was raised on fried chicken, biscuits and  gravy and lies---lots and lots of lies.  Over the course of the past two years, most of the lies have been settled, the truth told, I guess.  There are a few "holes" left in my life that will have to be addressed one day---but not today and not now.  I remain on a journey of learning, accepting, forgiving and most of all loving.

      Although my mother was a private person, I am telling her story. She had an amazing life and was much stronger than I ever knew or gave her credit for being. The last 4 or 5 years of her life were spent in a long, slow madness.  She permanently forgot a part of her life every day.  There was nothing we could do to stop it. So we had to accommodate the situation as best we could. We were all along for the ride, with no control of the reigns.  The new blog will be that story.  Some stories, I will never forget--hopefully.  Others find me in the middle of the night, in an old letter, I didn't know I had  or in a photograph. There are stories that family members have filled me in on----explained the "holes" in my life.

     You are invited to join me in this new adventure. The blog site hasn't been officially set up but will be soon. The name will be "Life in a Petri Dish".  I look forward to my new adventure and I invite my friends to come with me.
     
     

  

Movies, Moods and Women

          I believe I have a  new "favorite movie". I watched "The Curious Life of Benjamin Buttons" last night at Carol's and absolutely loved it.  Even though I think it has been out for awhile, I had missed seeing it. I won't have to worry about that again, because I bought it today.  It is one of those movies that I will watch many times, when the mood is right.  I will probably watch it alone because Tommy doesn't care for "love stories".  If someone isn't killed, a car wrecked or a bomb exploded within the first 3 minutes, he is sure it isn't "his kind of movie" and flips the channel. 

        Movies at our home always brings up the conversation of death.  Strange but true.  Our taste in movies is as a rule, completely  different,  If one of us really wants to watch a movie that the other one doesn't, someone will say "Fine, when you die---that movie goes with you!!!!"  We are joking, sort of.

          We have an on going list of things that we are going to bury with the first one of us who dies!!!  No lie--we really do. If Tommy dies first, the remote goes with him!!!  Actually, I don't think he would go without it!!  I am also loading every Gene Autry movie that was ever made and send them with him too!!!!  Can not stand Gene Autry--never could, never will. 

           If I die first, he is sending me off with my favorite navy blue sheets. They are old, worn, soft and cool to the touch.  He hates them ----he says they are cold. I remind him that when he goes through menopause, then He can pick the sheets, until then---they stay.  He is also throwing in the pastel portrait I did of Willie Nelson, years ago.  He hates Willie about as much as I hate Gene Autry!!  So for years, I hung Willie in the dining room just to aggravate him. It worked!!!  Also I get sent off with all my "chick flicks"---fine by me!!! 

         Tommy and I really do have a good time together.  All this banter is just who we are and how we relate to each other. If I had to live with a 'serious person", one of us would have left a long time ago.  Truthfully, the "joking" about our burials-- that will probably happen.  Like I said, that is just who we are.

       To Tommy, "love stories" are not reality based.  Of course they aren't, if they were they would be called "life stories".  A good love story, allows the viewer to enter someone else's life and share their experiences, feel their emotions and to laugh or cry depending on how the movie plays out. 

       We walk through the walls of another life. We can almost taste the wine, smell the ocean or feel the kiss. We travel to lands we will never see and for an hour or two, love people who do not exist.

       Perhaps it is a form of escaping, or maybe it is just good entertainment.  Whatever it is, I have movies that I enjoy when I am feeling nostalgic. Movies that I watch when I am missing my daughters, or when I need a good laugh or a good cry. Movies that make me remember young love.

       When I am missing my daughter's one of the movies I watch is "Practical Magic".  My girls have that strong love for each other. They would invade Hell at a moments notice, if one of them needed help. The scene in the kitchen where they are making Margaritas and dancing---that is so us!!!  However, we are like that when we all get together--with or without the margaritas.

      "Thelma and Louise" makes me think of Carol and me. In fact, that was out nicknames at work.  I was Thelma!!!!  This movie always makes me want to get in a bar fight!!!  go figure...

       "The Cutting Edge" is one movie I love to watch when I think of young love. Of falling in love--it's funny and sweet, sexy and innocent all at the same time.  It is a nice way to spend a rainy afternoon.  I also enjoy "Dirty Dancing". I like everything about that movie, and the music is awesome. First loves are special.

       The list goes on and on. And if I wrote this article tomorrow night, there would probably be different movies and a different tone.

       However, after watching "The Curious Life of Benjamin Buttons" I immediately wanted to hit replay and watch it again.  I wasn't ready to leave their lives, or to reenter my life. 

        Sitting by myself in the dark, I thought about the theme of the movie. To be born old and to live life in reverse.  Pardon the pun, but what a "novel" idea.  Also what a horrible fate.  Seldom would you be in the right place at the right time. To fall in love and not age with your partner, but grow younger instead.  For a little while it had its perks, but then reality set in and someone had to leave.  Isn't that the way it always goes?

Introduction to the Veterans Affairs

      As much as I hate mice, I now have a little empathy for the mice who are trapped in a maze.  Their mission to find the piece of cheese at the end of the long, long tunnel.  After yesterday, I really do know how they feel.

     Yesterday was our first official full day at the V.A. hospital.  We had to be there a little before 7:30 for blood draw.  I thought this would be a piece of cake---walk in ---give'em some blood and be on our way.  Not even close.  We were early and the "blood draw" room had been moved to about 5 corridors away from where we were standing. Someone said just follow the signs. Thank God for signs and arrows, because I couldn't find that room right now if my life depended on it.  When we finally get there, the room is full and there are 3 or 4 vets standing in the hall. Each one was holding what looked like a little space ship. We were informed that we "needed a space ship" and that when our "ship" lit up we were to go in and get the blood work done.  It went by faster than I thought. We were in and out in probably 30 or 40 minutes.   There were a lot of "space ships" ahead of us.

     Next we had to find the "Blue Room". That is where he has been assigned, I guess, because we kept going back there all day long.  Mainly to meet Tommy's doctor and pharmacists, and to be sent to other offices for meetings.
The ladies who worked there could not have been nicer, they told us to go eat breakfast and be back before 9 a.m. for his initial consultation with his doctor.  They gave us directions to the cafeteria, if the "blood draw" was hard to find, the cafeteria had to have been an after thought.  It was as far away from everything as it could be.  People helped us  navigate the halls and finally we got there.  The food was good and the coffee was great!!!  We started to perk up a little.  We found our way back to the "Blue Room" without any trouble.  We met Tommy's doctor.  I liked him immediately but he does not mense words.  I also found out "one does not correct him or interrupt him--no matter how wrong he is"  He will tell you when you can speak.  Well, alrighty then!!!  He went over all Tommy's blood work and said in a man to man--no sugar coating what so ever that if Tommy didn't change his lifestyle, get his diabetes under control he might have 10 years to live.  Talk about a slap in the face and a BIG wake up call.  He talked for another 15 minutes and proceeded to scare the crap out of me and I think Tommy too.  Then he looked at me and said "Now Mrs. Carter, what was it you wanted to say?"  Damned if I could recall!!!!

     He did have one little annoying habit that concerned me.  He kept referring to me as "this one over here"  He asked Tommy how long he had been married.  Tommy told him 41 years and the doctor said and I quote " to this one over here" and pointed his thumb at me.  In my mind I was saying "No dummy, I am his mistress, I go with him to all his doctors appointments!!'' BUT something told me to behave and keep my mouth shut---so I did, I even smiled. After he had dropped all his bombs he sent us to Pharmacy to get a new diabetes meter.  That place was easy to find. It was just around the corner but the line was long.  By now, I was tired of carrying my coat and purse so I took them out to the car.  I kept a book just in case I got bored. I never read over 3 pages all day.

    Apparently, we were supposed to meet the pharmacists next. But there was a mix up--every time she could see us, we had been sent somewhere else. They showed Tommy how to use the new meter. Did a test run and sent us back. The pharmacist had another patient. We were sent to photo I.D. to get his official V.A. card.  We came back.

    By now we were getting hungry but couldn't leave just yet. We still had at least 3 more people to meet.  Finally, a little foreign lady comes charging out the door, giving the ladies behind the counter, a big dose of grief and calling for "Mr. Carter"  "Mr. Carter".  We jumped to attention and followed her while she chewed our butts out for making her miss her lunch. She had a great accent and I asked her where she was from.  She swirled around and said "Iran" you know according to Bush, the axis of EVIL"  I laughed and shut up--again.  She did ALL the talking and we just agreed.  We were given more papers, more directions and more doom and gloom talk of death and missed lunches. Man, did I ever want out of that room.  And then she chilled out and was very pleasant.  I ended up thinking she was a hoot---wouldn't want to work for her, but liked her none the less.

     I really needed a Mt. Dew--loaded, but we didn't have time. Next we met the dietitian and she was great.  She also was late for lunch.  She told us about all the grass, weeds and flax seeds we can eat!!  It just keeps getting better. How much weight to loose, how many miles to walk and sent us on our way.

     One more person to see and that is the social worker. She was as nice as all the rest and very helpful.  Everyone was great to us, but we were exhausted and on information overload.  We were running on empty and needed a break .  Finally, we were through---for this visit. We gathered up all of Tommy's 40 million papers and headed back to the cafeteria.  We almost knew where it was. 

    I have to admit that I was really impressed with the V.A. Hospital.  As soon as we pulled into the massive parking lot, I felt honored to be there and to be an American.  Flags lined the drive way. Memorials to soldiers where everywhere.  It is all about our men and women who fought, were wounded or died for our country.  No one can enter that building without feeling a sense of pride.  The veterans deserve the best.  They gave their best for our country and deserve no less from the American public.

Happy Birthday "Pretty Lady"

           If my mother had lived, yesterday she would have been 85.  But she didn't, she died of Alzheimer's disease in  May of 2009.  She had been leaving us slowly but surely for 5 or 6 years.  When she finally died, it was almost a blessing.  Almost.  Hospice had been called in, there was nothing left to do but just stay with her and let her go.

         There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember her, and miss her terribly.  After the ones you love die, the things that haunt most are the things we didn't say or do.  The things that I always thought we would have time to do together and with my children, got replaced by my life as a wife, mother and employee.  I regret that now, but I know in my heart Mama has let me off the hook... She understood then and she understands now.

         There is a scary movie called, "The Dead Walk Among Us".  While I hate this movie, I do believe the dead who loved beyond measure, are with us. I know I can feel my mother's presence and my grandmother's presence at different times of my life.  Sometimes  it is almost daily.  For no reason I will just say her name, and I feel a smile.

        One day last week it was raining, cold and steel gray outside.  I could think of nothing that I really wanted to do, so I grabbed the book I had been reading and went back to bed.  I would ride out the storm in comfort.  I don't know when I fell asleep, but I know when I woke up!!  There was a physical touch to my chin. I opened my eyes and I was smiling and there was a song going through my mind.  It was a kids song, one that I had never heard but one that would be shared with someone you loved.  It had two lines and I jumped out of bed, singing that song.  This is not the normal way I ever get up! 

        I walked around the house singing that little "ditty" for about ten minutes.  Several times I had the urge to write the song down, but I always got distracted.  Just like the song appeared, it also disappeared. One minute I was singing it and then it was gone.  Just gone.  

        I sat down in my recliner and just thought about what had happened.  My thoughts went back to when I was a little girl and my mother played a game with me. When I was small enough to hold  in her arms, and rock me in Mamamae's squeaky old rocking chair, she.    would put one finger on my forehead and say "I", then move down to my nose and say"Love" and on to my chin, saying "You".  "I Love You".  This went on for years, after I was grown, she would occasionally walk by and just do it, for the heck of it. 

        When I had my 3 daughters I played the same game. They loved it as much as I did. So do my grandchildren.

        I sat in my recliner for a long time just thinking about the past hour.  I firmly believe that Mama was there that afternoon.  While I was sleeping we played the game and she sang that song to me.  She let me remember enough to know that in our own way and at our own time, we had celebrated her birthday.  The song was my gift from her, my everlasting love is my gift to her. I will tell her stories, I will make sure she is not forgotten.  Happy Birthday Pretty Lady.