Happy Birthday "Pretty Lady"

           If my mother had lived, yesterday she would have been 85.  But she didn't, she died of Alzheimer's disease in  May of 2009.  She had been leaving us slowly but surely for 5 or 6 years.  When she finally died, it was almost a blessing.  Almost.  Hospice had been called in, there was nothing left to do but just stay with her and let her go.

         There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember her, and miss her terribly.  After the ones you love die, the things that haunt most are the things we didn't say or do.  The things that I always thought we would have time to do together and with my children, got replaced by my life as a wife, mother and employee.  I regret that now, but I know in my heart Mama has let me off the hook... She understood then and she understands now.

         There is a scary movie called, "The Dead Walk Among Us".  While I hate this movie, I do believe the dead who loved beyond measure, are with us. I know I can feel my mother's presence and my grandmother's presence at different times of my life.  Sometimes  it is almost daily.  For no reason I will just say her name, and I feel a smile.

        One day last week it was raining, cold and steel gray outside.  I could think of nothing that I really wanted to do, so I grabbed the book I had been reading and went back to bed.  I would ride out the storm in comfort.  I don't know when I fell asleep, but I know when I woke up!!  There was a physical touch to my chin. I opened my eyes and I was smiling and there was a song going through my mind.  It was a kids song, one that I had never heard but one that would be shared with someone you loved.  It had two lines and I jumped out of bed, singing that song.  This is not the normal way I ever get up! 

        I walked around the house singing that little "ditty" for about ten minutes.  Several times I had the urge to write the song down, but I always got distracted.  Just like the song appeared, it also disappeared. One minute I was singing it and then it was gone.  Just gone.  

        I sat down in my recliner and just thought about what had happened.  My thoughts went back to when I was a little girl and my mother played a game with me. When I was small enough to hold  in her arms, and rock me in Mamamae's squeaky old rocking chair, she.    would put one finger on my forehead and say "I", then move down to my nose and say"Love" and on to my chin, saying "You".  "I Love You".  This went on for years, after I was grown, she would occasionally walk by and just do it, for the heck of it. 

        When I had my 3 daughters I played the same game. They loved it as much as I did. So do my grandchildren.

        I sat in my recliner for a long time just thinking about the past hour.  I firmly believe that Mama was there that afternoon.  While I was sleeping we played the game and she sang that song to me.  She let me remember enough to know that in our own way and at our own time, we had celebrated her birthday.  The song was my gift from her, my everlasting love is my gift to her. I will tell her stories, I will make sure she is not forgotten.  Happy Birthday Pretty Lady.