Today is Dec.29, 2011. A rerun of the past year is playing in my mind. Plans for 2012 are jotted on paper, places to go, people to meet are added daily. Sketches of the room we intend to build in the Spring, hang on imaginary cork boards in my mind. I am excited about the New Year.
However, today started out a little bit on the rocky side. As soon as the coffee brewed, I sat down at my computer to chat with friends and family. The first news story I read concerns a man in Delhi, India who was hospitalized with some sickness. While he slept, or tried to sleep, a rat chewed off part of his penis, causing him to die! This was horrible.
My mind's eye, always has a mini movie, story or blog running around in there, grabbed onto this story and would not let it go. I received visual, after visual, after visual of this heinous act...in color and with music.
Finally, I was ready to mentally release that particular news story when I read another article about a "preacher" who wants all homosexuals executed!!! To say my blood boiled would be an understatement!
Our youngest daughter, Melodi is gay. We were shocked when we learned this truth. It caused major upheavals in everyone's life. No one knew what to do for sure. I knew that I loved Melodi, no matter what and I also knew the war was on in our family.
I have fought this battle for over 13 years. I have fought with Tommy, I have fought with Melodi, I have fought with God, and I have fought with the church.
I nearly lost Tommy due to our inability to compromise and accept what cannot be changed. We lost 10 years of Melodi's life. We saw her but not regularly and no where near enough. I didn't loose God but I did loose my desire to go to church. My pastor was wonderful and supportive to us, he never let us down. I had just had enough and could hear no more. I was on the run.
I got my family back over the course of the last few years. It is wonderful and I am a blessed, happy woman and mother. Love should know no boundaries.
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I love my youngest daughter beyond measure. Her sexual preference is her business and is one small part of who she is as woman. She does not parade it around, nor does she deny it. This is simply who she is.
Nearly everyone I know enjoys sex!! It is a part of human nature. Since when do preachers decide who lives and who dies according to their sexual preferences?? Is this really what we want in America???
I've read the Bible through and through several times, looking for answers. I know what it says. I also know that in the end,when push comes to shove, the ONLY thing that will keep you from the love of God, is not believing in Him and not accepting Him as your Savior. He will take care of the rest.
His love covers a multitude of sins. I am counting on that 100%, because right now I know a prick in America that needs to meet a rat in Delhi!! As far as I am concerned they need to spend some quality time together. Am I right to feel this way? Probably not, but then the preacher never met my daughter, her partner or thousands of other people who do not meet his qualifications to live.
Unless you have loved someone who is gay or lesbian you really cannot know the emotions and feelings that are generated. There is no way you can. Until then...
This is one of those days when my computer is PMSing really bad, OR worse case scenario, I have unknowingly hit a button somewhere and really messed this whole thing up!!! I am under orders from Tami to write some kind of blog ...fast and see if it can be posted.
I cannot post a blog from yesterday!!! Tami can post the same blog under her name without any problem. When I try, the darn thing sits there like a knot on a log. It does nothing!! I am beside myself, to put it mildly.
Every so often this happens. My computer becomes an alien and tries to cause me mental anguish!! It's not the computer---it's me I am sure. It supposedly does what I tell it to do. That is such a lie!!! My computer only does what I tell it to do, If she feels like it!!!! Apparently my computer also known as "the Heifer" is sensitive.....to my rantings about "Her". She takes things personally. Get over it!!! I have work to do.
If that is the case, and everything I have written is true, and it is----my computer is somewhere in Hell, burning it's computer generated ass all to beans!!! I know this is a possible fact, because I sent "her" there.
I was supposed to write something and try and post it. So here it is!!!! Temper tantrum and all!!!
Every now and then I go a little crazy!!!! Today is such a day. In fact, I may write a blog about this very fact. There are a few things I have been holding out on you and that little tid bit is one of them. Trust me----I can explain it all.
I spent last week with my daughter Tami and my grandchildren Jacy and Logan. I kept the kids entertained while Tami studied for her finals. Tami is going to college on line, to obtain her degree in "Business Management". My stay was a success because Tami made A's on both her classes.
One of the major things we did was to paint a mural on the kids bathroom wall. For months we have planned to do this. Tami found a shower curtain covered in monkeys, this would be our "inspiration". All we had to do was create the same effect on one blue wall. Sounds easy. It was far from it.
When anyone draws or paints for children, be ready to hear the brutal truth!!! Children usually say exactly what they are thinking. I sketched the scene on the wall before we started to paint, just to make sure the scene suited the kids. It did. Except for one tiny, minor flaw in the wall. There were 2 holes where a shelf had hung. In my mind, I could fill the holes with paint or tape and it would somehow magically disappear. Wrong!!!!
Not only did it not disappear, it stood out like a carrot stuck in the middle of a bowl of gravy!!! There was no blending at all. Next I had the bright idea to stuff the holes with toilet paper and then paint over it. In theory, it should work----In reality not by a long shot. The toilet paper fell into the hole when it got wet.
I know how to fix walls with putty, mud and tape. However, that takes time and I wanted it to be done that day, so we could paint.....so did Jacy and Logan. Instant gratification gets me every time!
When I picked the kids up from school they wanted to know if their part was ready to paint. I told them about the holes and that we could fix it fast if we put band aids on them. We would just pretend the monkey fell and had a boo boo. They had no problem with that. So off to Dollar General we go. We were on a mission. A two dollar trip turned into a $40 dollar field day. We had to have the "perfect" band aid. Finally they settled on "Charlie Brown" band aids. Then we had to have chips, gum, drinks, cookies, and a plastic gun.....I have no clue what the gun was for or where it went. It did not make the ride home with us. We also stopped at McDonald's ---that might be where we lost the gun!
While this painting is far from perfect, we had a great time creating our "work of art". We made some memories, that I hope last a lifetime. Someday when Jacy and Logan are grown, perhaps one of their children will want a mural painted on a wall in their house. They can then tell the story of how they painted monkeys on their bathroom wall with their Nonnie. Maybe that will lead to more stories of Tommy and me. I hope so. When push comes to shove life is really and truly about our memories. Never pass up a chance to make a memory with someone you love. You never know who will hear that story.
One week from today is Christmas. Presents have been purchased, wrapped and placed under the tree. Cookies, candies and coconut cakes were made and delivered to friends and family.
Christmas carols are playing on the radio. In most homes the Christmas tree has been decorated with memories from past Christmas's. The house smells of Christmas candles. Scents we can only buy this time of year. The postman has delivered Christmas cards almost daily, from friends and family all over the world. It is a time of magic and love mixed with a heaping spoonful of stress.
Depending on our personalities, we work for months, weeks, or days to get ready for Christmas. This year I am in the "weeks" category, perhaps even leaning heavy toward the "days" category. I have had trouble getting ready for Christmas. I have the "Christmas Spirit" as we say in Kentucky, but I am spinning my wheels more than usual.
I know it will all get done. I am just not sure when it will all get done! I have no excuses this year. I am not working, so my time is my own. And still I drug my feet just a little. Something was missing in me.
I felt somewhat out of sorts until I received a Christmas card from Salla, in Finland. It is a beautiful card, made even more special by the fact that it was created by an artist who could not use their hands to paint. They relied on either their mouths or feet to create this lovely card. The painting is beautiful and ascetically correct, defying logic with every stroke.
I look at it and I am reminded over and over again that "nothing is impossible with God". With every brush stroke, He was there. Guiding the toes or the lips, to do things they were not created to accomplish. Giving life to works of art that can only sing His praises. This is why we celebrate Christmas. .. because He did for us what we could not do for ourselves. If we celebrate it for any other reason, we have short changed ourselves and Him.
I needed to be reminded of this fact. This was "what" was missing in me.
Enjoy this coming week my friends. Make lots of memories and love the very best you can. I wish you all love everlasting and a strong touch from the Master, Himself. May all your Christmas dreams come true. I will be thinking about each of you.
Love to all,
Vicky
Today is a gray, wet, sunless kind of day. We had thunderstorms during the night. The thunder rolled and sounded like bombs exploding, while the lightning crackled and ripped the sky apart.
My granddaughter Jacy is afraid of storms. I usually sleep with her when I stay at Tami's but last night I slept in Logan's bed. He was sleeping in Tami's bed. Since I had stayed up late reading, Jacy had fallen asleep on my side of the bed. I didn't want to wake Jacy up so I just crawled in Logan's bed and slept fine until the storm started.
I heard the storm in my sleep but I could not wake up. Finally after a huge clap of thunder shook the house, I was awake. I ran to Jacy's room and jumped in bed...so did Max, their dog. We landed just about the same time. Jacy was awake, big brown eyes and a mess of curls was all I could see. When she heard the thunder hammer her home, she covered her head. Max made a beeline for her pillow and I grabbed the only one left. Both Max and myself surrounded Jacy. It made her feel safe and in a matter of minutes Jacy was sleeping. Max and I had dropped off to sleep, when the next round of storms began. Evidently, I moved to much for Max because he gave a snort in my direction and left for Tami's room.
By this time I am awake and in dire need of coffee. As I sat on the couch and enjoyed the storm and hot coffee, I saw Jacy run across the hall and jump in Tami's bed. By now the bed is full.....and soon it will be time for everyone to get up. I just smiled. I remembered those days, when my girls were small and they all piled in someone's bed. Usually it was Lisa's bed. I would already be up, getting ready for work.
We had one bathroom and 3 girls to share it in the mornings. They caught the bus at 7:10. Not a lot of time to goof off but just enough time for World War 111 to start---almost every day---without fail. They never missed the bus---how I will never know!! They weren't exactly happy campers but they were dressed and out the door when the bus pulled to a stop at our driveway.
As they trudged to the bus, it looked like a long funeral procession. Each daughter was the stair step for the next daughter. First Lisa, then Tami and finally Melodi. Mel was followed by a dog or 2 and at least 1 cat and at times a chicken or two. Just whatever was loose and roaming the yard when the girls came out the back door.
Those are good memories for me, probably not for them. They are all in the midst of making their own memories now. Each has their own home, accompanied by their own routines. I love to sit and watch them just be themselves. It is comforting to watch my daughters, marveling at the amazing young women they have become. I intend to share these moments every chance I get.
I have to keep one thought in mind, not everyone I know and love happens to be a "morning person" and that is not a bad thing at all. They just need a little extra time and space, while waiting for their day to begin.
I have always loved Christmas. When I was a little girl, I decided I wanted a Christmas wedding. I wanted the bridesmaids to wear red velvet dresses, carry white fur muffs and walk down our church isle in the midst of mistletoe and holly. I dreamed of a candlelight wedding, at sunset.
I didn't know who the groom would be, however I was pretty sure he would have black hair and brown eyes and if he had Indian blood in him that would be perfect!!! I put my order in for him when I was about 9 years old. It took 12 years for him to grow up, fall in love with me and ask me to marry him. All the time he was hiding in plain sight, as one of my best friends.
Tommy and I usually sat close to each other in class. We were forever getting caught talking or writing notes to each other. Having to write 500 times the sentence, "I will not talk in class" became the norm for me. I usually got caught talking on Fridays, because we had weekend plans to talk about, even though the plans we had, did not include each other. Mama could not understand why I had so much writing to do on the weekend. She thought it was awful I had to "study" so hard. So did I!!!
Time went by and we grew up. We fell in love and made plans to marry. I was going to college while Tommy was in the Marine Corps, stationed in Georgia at the time he proposed. At first we were getting married in June. That was fine with me, however I really wanted a Christmas wedding. Little did I know what I was asking when I suggested a December wedding. My poor mother almost had a nervous breakdown trying to get things arranged for us.
The weather would not cooperate at all. Winters in Kentucky are very unpredictable. As a rule, we didn't get a lot of snow, but when it snowed ---we were hammered. Everything would come to a standstill for several days. 1969 was no exception.
As Tommy and I planned the wedding, we decided we wanted a military wedding. Tommy wore his dress blues. Danny Joe King was best man, he was stationed at Ft. Campbell, having just returned home from Vietnam. Joe Neal, Tommy's brother was in the Army also and was home on leave before going to Vietnam. They were beautiful young men. All dressed up in their military best. I was so proud of them. As I walked down the isle, I remember thinking they "didn't look real, but instead looked like handsome dolls".
We set the date for December 26 at 4 p.m. The wedding would be in my church, The First Methodist Church, in Clinton.
Kathy Pulley McClure was to be my matron of honor and Jenny Cline was a bridesmaid. I had roomed with Jenny in college and we were very good friends. Kathy had been my best friend for years. I loved her dearly....still do.
Kathy tried to give me a shower the Sunday before the wedding, but unfortunately it started snowing that morning and did not quit for 2 days. The winds blew and the snow drifted. Roads were impassable. We called the shower off, it was too dangerous for anyone to try and come. This was the beginning of the week from Hell!!!
As the wedding plans unfolded, things out of our control began to pop up. The minister, Rev. Deal and his family spent Christmas with his daughter in Memphis. Snow made the roads treacherous to drive on and I worried for 2 days afraid the minister could not make it safely home. He barely made it there, but that was fine--he was there.
Aunt Donna came down with a bad case of laryngitis. She was supposed to sing for us. She started getting sick on Monday and by Wednesday couldn't talk--the wedding was Friday. I so love Aunt Donna, she did everything known to man to get well. It worked. Friday she sang my favorite wedding song, "Whether Thou Goest" perfectly.
At the last minute the Army almost canceled Danny Joe's leave. He got to Clinton the day of the wedding.
Kathy and her husband had an argument and were mad all week at each other. It was their first Christmas together and James was acting awful. I was just sick. I didn't want them arguing over my wedding, but they were. Jim refused to come to the wedding if Danny and Kathy were going to walk down the isle together. Of course they were----she was my matron of honor and Danny was the best man. He would escort her down the isle when the wedding was over. All this garbage because Danny and Kathy went together in high school.....four years in the past!
They made up on Thursday night. Kathy called me and said "no matter what she would be there". She assured me James would be there too. I wasn't thrilled with him as it was, however he came to the wedding and even congratulated us and gave me a hug.
When I woke up on the 26th, I was a nervous wreck--it had snowed again. Tommy had to get to Clinton from Union City. The roads once again were a mess!!! He made it without any problems.
On Christmas Eve, Bobby Brunswick's sister and her husband were killed in a car wreck. They were going to pick up their children's Christmas layaway. While we were having a wedding, Bobby and Bonnie were attending a funeral. It was so sad to think of the loss of this young couple. I didn't know them personally but on my anniversary, I always remember them.
The day turned out to be beautiful. After lunch the sun came out, most of the roads were clear by 4 p.m. Darla spent the day with me and we played with a kitten all day. I think Darla took her home to her house. I almost took her to Georgia with us. I am glad I rethought that idea. A kitten on a honeymoon might not be the wisest thing to have. Two months later, Tommy bought home a surprise from work. A tiny black and white kitten, we named P.J. She was our first pet.
At 4 p.m. the wedding started. The sun was shining on the snow and looked like diamonds scattered across the grass. The church was beautiful. It was exactly the candlelight wedding I had always wanted. As we stood under the arch and said our vows, the sun was in the process of setting. It cast subtle light on the stained glass windows. It was lovely. Soon the wedding was over and we were man and wife----for the rest of our lives.
The reception was in the church's basement. It was decorated beautifully. After cake and punch we left for Georgia. Our first apartment was waiting for us. I couldn't hardly wait to see our first home. We laugh now, because an 8 hour drive took us 3 days!!! And that was a good thing too.
It has been one heck of a good time. There are things in hindsight we would change, but not an awful lot of regrets. It has been a good life and we have been greatly blessed. This year we celebrate our 42 year of marriage. In this day and age, that says a lot.
Both of us are excited about the future. We still have a million plans and ideas. Places to go and new people to meet. I wouldn't have missed this for all the world. I am pretty sure Tommy feels the same way.
I hurt!!! I pulled the muscle in my shoulder about a month ago and I have been in pain since that day. Non stop pain. It doesn't matter what I do or take, the pain is still there. I am finally going to the doctor tomorrow, hopefully she will be able to help me.....because no one else will!!!
It was a freak accident that caused all this pain. Deer season was in and we were getting up extremely early so Tommy could hunt. One morning I slept in and missed Tommy's leaving. Apparently he could not find his insulators and moved the coat tree into the middle of the floor. When I finally got up, I tried to move the hall tree with one arm, since my coffee was in the other hand. No way was I putting the coffee down. As a result, when the coat rack fell, I grabbed it with one hand and in the process pulled my shoulder muscle---bad. But on the good side---I did not spill one drop of coffee. I really needed that cup of coffee, especially since I was crying and having a fit just like a little girl!!! Only most little girls do not have as colorful a vocabulary as I do. And that is a good thing.
I hate to cry and I really hate to hurt. I did everything I could to fix the problem. I put ice on it, I put heat on it, I put Ben Gay on it and nothing fazed it. I even took a muscle relaxer. The muscle relaxer was from 2009 and was useless. The Ben Gay was put in the wrong spot, because I couldn't reach the right spot.
Here is where my better half, Tommy, was needed. I asked him to put Ben Gay on my back and he said he couldn't he was hunting. My jaw dropped open. I asked him why he couldn't, his reasoning was and I quote, "because I am hunting"
I told him "Tommy you aren't hunting now!!! You are watching t.v."
He said, "yes, but I will be hunting tomorrow and that stuff stinks."
I told him the smell would be gone, he could shower and the deer would never know. He looked at me like I was crazy!!! He said, "Seriously, I hate the smell of that shit!!" This comes from a man who wears doe piss to cover his scent in the woods and he hates the smell of Ben Gay!!! Unbelievable!
I had to stoop to what I call "dirty pool". I brought up every time I have come to his aide and helped him when he could not help himself. It worked--- barely. When he finally put the Ben Gay on, he took one finger and gagged when I squirted the balm on his finger, he then barely dabbed my sore shoulder. Immediately he gave the tube back, saying "that is enough----you will be fine"
I was not FINE! I asked him to rub it in and do it hard so it could be absorbed. He looked at me like I had asked him to amputate my arm. I turn back around and wait. And I wait and then I wait some more!! I looked at him and he was back to watching t.v. He was done.
I was trying to think how to get this mess taken care of by myself. Finally, I remember I had a long wooden back scratcher and if I turned it on the back of the scratcher I could put the Ben Gay on it and hit the right spot. It worked!!! Hallelujah!!
I hate going to the doctor. I put it off as long as possible and finally gave in and made an appointment for Thursday. To be fair, Tommy has wanted me to go to the doctor all along. I kept thinking my shoulder would get better. Evidently, I was wrong.
My doctor checked my shoulder and said I needed a stronger muscle relaxer. She told me to exercise it and to use Ben Gay and to get some massages.
I laughed when she said that. I told her what was going on and she laughed.....she knows Tommy and really likes him. Then she gave me the ammunition I needed to get the daily massages......It cost $35.00 for an upper body massage---I need several and he will not want to fork out the money for at least 5 massages. WhoHoo!!!! Tonight I get my first massage---I bought a new tube of Ben Gay---I am so gonna enjoy this!!! As for Tommy, well he agreed. He is not happy but he agreed. That is all I ask....
Today was an odd sort of day. I went Christmas shopping and only bought two presents. I saw a lot of "things" but nothing that really caught my eye. Very little followed me home. For me that is unusual.
When I returned home I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. I wasn't hungry, wasn't tired and didn't want to do any work. I ended up in my art room. I can always find something to do in there. Today was no exception, soon I was lost in pictures and old journals.
I sat down in the middle of my "mess" and had a visit with Mama.
I revisited the Christmas of 2006. It was a good visit or as good as it could be considering Mama was in a nursing home and was slowly loosing her mind to Alzheimer's. Daddy was trying his best to spend as much time with Mama as possible. Eventually he had his schedule worked out to where he spent at least 8 hours with Mama every day. It wore him out. I was 350 miles away and still working full time. I could make it home once a month and stay about 5 days. That rested Daddy some, but not enough. It was an odd time in our lives. A time I would not want to relive, yet here I sat in the middle of my floor, remembering the Christmas of 2006.
If a person has to be in a nursing home, then ICF in Clinton, Kentucky is the place to be. Mama was content to be there, at that point in her life.
When Mama entered the nursing home she was given a life size baby doll. It brought Mama more joy than any diamond she ever owned. She loved that doll. It was real to Mama and while I was with Mama she was almost real to me. I found myself taking care of the baby like I would a child. If Mama laid her down, I would go find her...fast! The "baby" was seldom out of her arms. When she was misplaced, I was on the hunt for the baby.
I shopped for the baby. Mama had long sense lost any interest in clothing for herself, but she was delighted when her "baby" received a new outfit. I kept that baby dressed to the nines. It was an odd pleasure for me, a gift I could still share with Mama.
Mama was continually giving her "baby" kisses. I saw small glimpses of what a good, young mother she must have been. I liked what I saw. No wonder I am such an incurable romantic, I was surrounded by love at an early age. And that is a good thing a very good thing indeed. Every child should be so blessed.
