It snowed last night. For the first time in a week my world looks pretty. This week has been cold and gray to me, however today everything is covered with about an inch or so of beautiful white snow. I feel at peace today. It is a nice change for me. While I sat in my favorite rocking chair, drinking coffee my mind took a trip back to 1971 and to Lisa's first Christmas. Searching for our old photo album, I found the photos that were in my thoughts.
We were stationed in Yuma, Arizona for the last eighteen months of Tommy's enlistment. Our plan was to trade our car in on a pickup truck with a camper and explore the United States. At night we devoured our Atlas, looking for places we wanted to visit or live. We never intended to settle down in one place for more than a year. We would see all the sights, saving the money we made on odd jobs, and be ready to leave whenever we desired for another adventure. In the process we would make a ton of incredible memories... maybe enough for a book someday. However, with a little baby girl, this idea became less and less feasible. We needed some roots for Lisa and some stability for us. Plans changed. We moved back to Smyrna, Georgia in November when Tommy's enlistment was finished.
Tommy was soon employed in Atlanta. Next we found an apartment with our first back door. We were so excited about that door! For the first time we had two bedrooms and I could fix Lisa a pretty nursery. I was in a 'nesting mode'. Life was good. Everyone was happy. We were excited about our new apartment. Friends we had when we lived in Georgia, let us raid their basement. They had an old couch, a lamp, an end table. We contributed a new cabinet style stereo, we bought in Yuma. We bought a bed, and curtains. Retrieved 3 round wooden spools that belonged to the phone company. They were perfect for bedside tables. We set a small t.v. on the third one in the living room. I began to collect plants and soon our little home was beautiful to us. It never did take much to make us happy. That has always been our biggest blessing.
The second week of December, Mama and Daddy were moving to Miami, Florida for a construction job. They spent a few days with us. We bought a Christmas tree and decorated it while they were there. It was our first 6 foot Christmas tree. The one we had in Yuma was about 18 inches tall and sat on top of our t.v. We placed our presents in Lisa's bassinet. We still have the first little red Christmas boot that hung on the tree for the baby. It hangs on our tree every year.
Mama bought Lisa a 3 foot inflatable reindeer, a snowman, and a Santa Claus. Lisa loved them. They were placed close to the tree but seldom remained there for any length of time. Lisa was walking and constantly dragging the toys with her. She rode the reindeer, sat on Santa and rolled the snowman all over the floor. They were her favorite toys she received that year.
Before Tommy and I finally settled down, we had moved 16 times in ten years. It was fun and I would do it all over again in a nano- second if life only worked that way. However life just does not operate in this fashion. We get one shot at life and it is up to each one of us to make the best life we can. It is important to not waste opportunities for adventure...never stop dreaming or learning. It is important to love the people you are with unconditionally. I have never met a person who did not have chinks in their armor and a story to tell about how the chinks were made. Forgiveness is a necessary commodity in a couples life.
It is also important to make memories that can be conjured up at a moments notice by the familiar smell of a pine tree, the taste of coffee, the sight of candles flickering, the sound of Christmas music playing and two old Instamatic photos from a life time ago often bring memories to the forefront of my mind. I can see everything with my minds eye as I replay the day. So far they have never let me down. I relieve the moments, enjoy them with Tommy and write them down...just in case.
I want to take time to celebrate Carol Shea's life. She was my best friend for the past 18 or 20 years.
No two people could be more different than Carol and me. And yet the friendship worked and was wonderful. I trusted Carol completely. She did me too. At work we were called
"Thelma and Louise". The nicknames fit. She was more serious and at times stoic, I am a loose cannon who could always make her laugh. She liked my life. I don't know how many times she told me over these past 8 years that she "lived vicariously through me".
We took 3 vacations together and had a hundred more planned. She got sick and just couldn't walk as well as she needed to in order to travel a long distance.
I gave her a retirement party in 2005 when she retired from Fulton State Hospital, due to medical reasons. The next year I drove Punky, Carol and me to the Upper Peninsula to visit Jo Ann, another one of their sisters. We had so much fun and I will forever be glad we made that trip. Both of us took a lot of photos and of course, right now I can not find them. But I do have photos from her retirement party and our two trips to Kansas City to house sit for my youngest daughter Melodi. Those 2 trips were much needed trips for Carol. We had a nice condo to stay in. We ate out at all the good restaurants, went to see movies and shopped at an antique mall so large it took us 2 days to see everything. It was time well spent. We watched our favorite movies and ate ice cream at 3 in the morning. We laughed until we cried twice. Once when we messed up Melodi's ADT protection...the other when we visited Joe's Crab Shack and I got looped.
Below are some shots of our life. It was fun...it just ended too soon.
2005 Retirement Party
Becky and Carol
2 of my favorite people
Punky moved in with Carol in 2004 or 2005. She was allowed to go to Carol's Retirement party at work. Since we worked 11-7, at that time, the party started after midnight. Everyone in the building would come down and eat on their breaks. All her friends bought their favorite dishes, sodas, coffee, and cake. Carol loved it and was really touched by how many people cared for her. Sometimes I don't think she understood this.
This may sound crass to some people and that is ok if it does. This is our story. When it was almost time for Carol to leave her party, Becky wanted to take another picture of us. I asked Carol about giving the ole one finger salute for all the crazy, goofed up ideas and rules that often lasted no longer than 10 minutes at FSH. And so we did. It is our favorite photo and we both have them in our living rooms. Now I must confess, I had to take mine down because Jacy and Logan now can read and know what it means. They were shocked when they saw Nonnie and her friend shoot the bird. That is mild to some of the things we have done.
Carol, Punky and I would celebrate Christmas some day early in December. This photo was taken at my house. We celebrated there once or twice and then we decided we wanted to go out to eat. Carol introduced me to 'Reuben Sandwiches'. That became our Christmas meal of choice. I never eat one without thinking of her. I found a new place in Fulton that sells delicious Reuben's. That is where I was going to take us this year for Christmas.
I made her a scrapbook of her retirement the first Christmas she was home.
We had a fun day talking and making plans for the future. Some plans came to pass...other's didn't.
We invaded a Harley Davidson Dealership in Kansas on our 2nd trip there. We asked the young man if we could have our photos made with this Harley. We both liked it...
I don't think I was supposed to
actually get on the bike but it
seemed like a good idea at the
time. However, the young man
taking the photos nearly dropped
my camera when I jumped on.
Here we go again!!! Just for old
times sake.
Shopping at the Brass Armadillo... outside of Kansas City. I bought old photographs, and newspapers from WW11. Carol bought old coins, some glassware.
I have many more photos of us. Carol was a wonderful friend. I always knew she had my back and was looking out for my best interest. She felt the same about me. There was trust between us. She died yesterday and is being cremated today. I wanted to pay my respects and share my friend with you. I will miss her more than I probably realize.
I began writing my first blog on December 6, 2010. I can not believe it has been three years. Actually, I would not have remembered this date except my good friend, Nalini Mohammed, who lives in Trinidad, brought it to my attention. I am very thankful Nalini reminded me. The date would have passed, unnoticed by me. Celebrating life is important. I think each milestone in life should be enjoyed, remembered and commemorated with family and friends. This is what I am doing today...remembering and giving thanks to family and friends for taking the time to read my mind and sharing my life.
When I started this blog, my mother was heavy on my mind. She had died in May of 2009 and I missed her terribly. Alzheimer's claimed her life, one brain cell at a time. I watched her loose her memories, her body functions, her essence and finally her life. It was the hardest five years of my life.
I would sit with her and try to remember every story she had told me. Her stories had to live on. I did not want Mama to be forgotten. So I began to write, only to realize Mama's stories were her stories and most of them she kept close to her heart. When I wrote about her I had to be careful what I said. There have been several stories I wrote and did not publish. They belonged to only our family. I know I make her laugh when I tell stories about her driving:) I can hear her say, "Vicky Kay!!! don't write that??" and then she laughs. She should, Mama was the worst driver...ever. I will never run out of writing material as long as I remember Mama's driving skills. I do not have peace when I write personal stories in Mama's life so I changed my goals.
Instead of Mama's life, I decided to write about my life and the life I have with Tommy. I want our story recorded for our grandchildren and great grandchildren and family on down the line. This is important to me. Some day, when I have been dead fifty or one hundred years, I hope one of our descendents reads our story and says, " WOW that explains a lot!!! I really wish I could have known those crazy people! or " I am so glad 'Nonnie' wrote these stories down for us to share...now I understand cranky old Uncle Dan." Then I hope they start noticing character traits we have and they share. I hope every generation has one green eyed, left handed, curly headed little boy or girl. I also wish there will always be a black headed, brown eyed music loving hunter in the group. I hope they all laugh easy and often. When they fall in love, I hope it is forever. I wish them adventures, excitement and a sense of wonder. I hope they love the Creator of this amazing world with all their heart.
I also want to thank my readers for taking the time to share my life. Close to 20,000 people have read my stories and many of my readers are located in countries all over the world. People from Trinidad and Tobago, Canada, Ireland, Portugal, Italy, India, Algeria, England, Germany, France, Japan, Mexico, Ghana, Vietnam, South Korea, Philippines, Brazil and Russia and many other countries. Following the United States, Russia comes in second in reading this blog. It thrills my heart, making me happy and humble at the same time. Thank you.
I look forward to writing more stories. I have lived a long time...I have many memories yet to share. I bet my daughters are cringing on that statement:) I do have a tendency to speak very frankly and at times very personal about our lives; that is the way I talk. When you read this blog, you have had a conversation with me. We could easily be sitting in a restaurant or side walk cafe, in my sun room, or an airport lounge ( I do love those places). We would be sharing our stories over a cup of hot coffee and maybe a cinnamon bun. We would laugh more than cry. I have been blessed with a very humorous life. I do crazy extremely well and I am not ashamed to admit it or share it. Thank you all again for making these past three years very memorable for me. God bless.
Jacy's 12th Birthday 2013
I am tired of being mad at my father. I am tired of reliving old wounds and hurts. I am tired of bad dreams and hateful memories. I am tired of having his voice in my head, describing how he sees me and feels about me...none of these thoughts were good. I am tired of feeling worthless, resentful and less than the person I am. These feelings do nothing to enrich my life or help me be a better person. Daddy will no longer be the mirror I use to see myself.
Daddy had a hard life. He did not know how to get beyond his own hurts and demons. Because of these facts and feelings, I became his own personal scapegoat. It is very possible he saw so much of him in me that he did not like me because of what he was seeing. I am a lot like Daddy. I have his sense of humor, his height and his nose. I am thankful for the sense of humor...the other two are debatable.
My thought process was completely different than his used to be. I questioned things. This enraged him. He demanded blind obedience; a quality I despised. The phrase "Do as I say not as I do" was the motto at my home. This phrase still sends a chill down my spine. I can not live happily wrapped in an iron hand. It smothers me and makes me afraid.
I only had to live with Daddy for 9 years. Then my sentence was commuted and I was once again free. However, those 9 years shaped the way I usually saw myself. He was my hand mirror and self doubt was my nemeses. The reflection I saw in the mirror was warped and a view through his eyes. "You aren't much but you are all I have" did nothing to make me feel of value.
43 years later, I still hear those words and words much worse. They echo in my mind during the day and visit me at night when I try to sleep. I am tired of feeling the way I do.
I am turning my situation with Daddy over to Jesus, who happens to love both of us. I want the rest of my life to be lived wholly, unafraid and with a purpose. The past is dead and gone. From now on when I write about Daddy, if I ever do, it will be the good memories we shared and there were many of those. The good often gets lodged behind the horrible making it hard to see and remember. I am asking God for a clean slate with Daddy. I need to forgive him and move on. I have tried this many times and failed. There is a scripture in Psalms, I think, that says "Give God your broken heart and He will make it whole." That is what I am doing today. I look forward to the recovery and what God has in store for me.
This is one of my favorite pictures of Mama and Daddy. They were young and so in love. Mama was 16 and Daddy was 19 when they eloped. They were married in Charleston, Missouri. After spending the night in a Charleston hotel, the next morning at breakfast a young man, who waited on them, brought Mama a flower and gave it to her. He told her the "flower was almost as pretty as she was." Daddy got mad and nearly punched the young man. I loved hearing that story. Years later when Mama told the story, Daddy still got mad...priceless.
I cannot imagine being married at the age of 16. Daddy was helping his father, Papa John, farm so they moved in with Mama Pearl and Papa John as newlyweds. I also cannot imagine living with family on your honeymoon. It was customary to do this years ago. I don't care how 'customary' it was...I still say it could not have been easy...and it wasn't.
Mama had never lived in the country. Once she got there she wasn't all that crazy about it. They did not have electricity and still used an outhouse. She couldn't wait to go to town for the weekend. That meant they stayed with Mamamae and Granddaddy. Privacy was still scarce but they could go to the movies and visit friends. Mama quit high school when they got married. She needed to reconnect with her friends and be 16 for a little while longer.
After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Daddy enlisted in the Army. They had been married a little over a year. In the above photo, Daddy was in on leave before being sent overseas.
When Daddy finally left for the service Mama moved back to Clinton, living with Mamamae and Granddaddy. She worked at the Dime Store for Mr. Peggy Young (I think).
Mamamae and Granddaddy's home was located beside the Post Office. When Mama received a letter from Daddy, Mr. Ben Hales would bring the letter to her as soon as it came in.
Mama saved her allotment check and the money she made working. When Daddy came home from the service, four years later, she had enough money for them to buy all new furniture, rugs and everything they needed to start housekeeping. Daddy began farming for Ray Spicer. Mr. Spicer had a home on the farm and Mama and Daddy moved into it. Mama still didn't like living in the country but she was happy they weren't living with anyone else.
Mama and Daddy's anniversary falls on Thanksgiving this year. They have both been gone for awhile. Remembering this part of their story always makes me feel good.
There is a lot to be said for young love.
Every couple has a story to tell. Mama and Daddy's story took many twists and turns. Not everything that happened to them was good or fun or necessary. It never is with any couple's story.
Below is another favorite photo of Mama and Daddy. They are old and have reached the final chapters of their story. Mama has Alzheimers and Daddy is there for her 100%...that is all anyone can ask for in this life.
For the past month, I have dreaded the approaching of November 24.
I had an appointment for a sleep study test and I did not want to have the test done. I needed it, just did not want it. The idea of someone watching me sleep is a little on the weird side...and she did watch me sleep. There was a working camera in the corner of the room. I also asked her about it. She was very nice and told me the tape would be erased in the morning. Hmmmm... Having to wear 'wired post its' all over my body is really on the weird, uncomfortable side. When I thought it couldn't get any more crazy the lady put a pulse ox on my finger and taped it down so I couldn't get rid of it and two tubes in my nose...smiles, tells me to relax and go to sleep. She walks out and shuts the door. Really???? Really!
There I sat on the side of the bed, vaguely resembling Frankenstein's bride after the lightening strike. I honestly thought I would still be sitting on the side of the bed at 5 a.m. when the test ended. Luck was on my side, and I was allowed to take some of my sleep medication. It kicked in about an hour later and I did drop off to sleep. I had to sleep on my back. Since I am a side sleeper that made me uncomfortable. I tried to flip over and side sleep but I had too many wires to contend with. In the process I yanked one of my
earrings out. It was found in the wires this morning.
The technician woke me up at 5 and told me I could go home. She told me I could shower to get the glue out of my hair. I tried but this was gonna take some time and a lot of effort. I wanted coffee and to go home...glue and all. So I dressed and left.
I will omit most of this story. In reality it could go on for another two pages. As usual nothing went according to plan. I will leave out the part where the sleep study lab had been relocated and no one told me. I ended up at the on call doctor's sleep quarters. The doctor was shocked to see me...I was glad to see her. I am glad I left my pillow in the car when I knocked on her door.
I told her I was there for the 'sleep study program' she looked confused. That was when I knew I was in the wrong place. The doctor found the Sleep Center for me (she Googled it)...the hospital operator thought it was still in her quarters too.
I will leave out the part where the technician was scared of the dark and would not let anyone in the building until exactly 8:30. I will also leave out the part where the other sleep disorder person was a young man from Columbia. We each had our own room but shared a bathroom. He woke me up around 4 making all sorts of chocking noises. Both of us then needed to go to the bathroom at the same time and neither one of us could because we were all tied up. He won...I waited.
My test results will be mailed to me. As usual, I slept better there than at home. I am one of those people who usually gets well in the waiting room. When I see the doctor she tells me what I had. Time will tell on this adventure too.
I find it very hard to believe that fifty years have passed since President Kennedy was assassinated. Writing those words feels almost like a lie. Time goes by so fast. It doesn't seem possible it has been that long...but it has. In reality, for me, it was another lifetime ago.
I remember parts of that day vividly. They will forever be etched in my mind. The First Lady's pink suit. Watching her crawl out onto the back of the convertible trying to retrieve part of her husbands head. The doctor when he reported President Kennedy was dead. Watching Vice President Johnson being sworn into office as Jackie Kennedy stood close by...wondering what was going through all of their minds. Watching the news as Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested, then two days later actually watching the t.v. as Oswald was assassinated. It was a very hard time for our nation.
Something changed in our country that day. Something changed in my 14 year old mind as well. The images I saw on t.v and the articles I read in the paper did not make sense to me. I never once believed Oswald acted alone. It was the birth of my life long belief in certain conspiracy theories. When I shared these beliefs with my parents I was in so much trouble. Daddy informed me that he would tell me "what to believe and I would believe it." He was furious with me for questioning the facts, so I shut up and kept my theories to myself. I never once changed my mind.
President Kennedy was a hero of mine. He and his family brought youth and vitality to the White House. The Kennedy's were the reason I listened to the news. I have always wanted to believe when President Kennedy spoke these words, "Ask not what your country can do for you ...ask what you can do for your country" he was talking to the best in all of us. Perhaps those words need to be revisited once again. Love of country should replace love of money and loyalty to a certain party. Our country should not be for sale to any lobbyist's agenda.
Fifty years...hard to believe. If you were young when President Kennedy was assassinated, you are now old. The world we live in is very different from the world of 1963. For me "idealism" began to die that day in November in the city of Dallas, Texas and realism took root.
