The Yearly Mammogram from Hell...

The month of January is my 'Well Woman' check up month. In my mind it is a woman's version of the military induction physical.

I have been poked, probed and prodded all in search of a cell that may have gone rogue. It is necessary but very uncomfortable. The hardest part for me is the mammogram.

Breast cancer is one of the top killers of women in the United States. A mammogram  often finds the cancerous cells and helps to save many lives.  To do this requires a procedure right out of the days of King Arthur.  It also hurts like hell! There is no other way to describe it...that puppy HURTS!!

The machine is about 8 feet tall, gray with a clear cold tray that is adjustable. Physicians  want to make sure they have xrays of the breast from every possible direction. 

 On the cold tray is where the breasts lay, one at a time,  while the machine proceeds to make temporary pancakes out of them. After the attendant gets everything in place, she hurries behind the xray machine to make sure the image will be correct. ( It is always a female technician who performs this procedure. I am sure it is for privacy sake and then there is always the possibility if it were a man...some unstable woman might shoot him dead!!)

 The perky technician peeks out from behind the gray monstrous  image gathering machine,  to adjust 'just a little bit here' and to increase the pressure again.  Followed by more pressure then 'one more little crank' to make sure you are not going to move or go anywhere ever again in your life!   That is when she utters the sentence that never changes, "Hold still and don't breathe"!  Honestly I couldn't move or breathe if I had to!! I am standing on my tiptoes, with my fingers crossed and always fighting the urge to pee or curse or both. When I started this procedure I was 5 feet 7 inches. I know I am taller than that now!!

The whole procedure is repeated until she is positive she has good clear images.  I am told to slip on a gown and wait to make sure the images are readable. Most of my 'images' were readable. We had to redo one and then I was free to go. I dragged my poor boobs off the floor, threw them over my shoulder and proceeded to tiptoe from the hospital.  Hopefully,  I will not have to repeat this adventure until next year.

I am making fun of my experience, however I really do encourage every woman to have a mammogram . Early detection of cancer saves lives each year. 

My reward for the day???  A new purse and the best cookie and cup of hot coffee in the world!!  It never takes much to make me happy.