If Only Lisa Could Have Been With Me Today...

 

I woke up this morning missing my oldest daughter, Lisa. She was the first person to enter my mind today.  However, Lisa lives in Naples, Florida and there was no way I would see her on this day. As the day progressed, I would realize why I missed Lisa so much. I needed for Lisa to witness what I saw today.  I just did not know it at the time.

Tommy and I needed to make a 'quick trip' to Fulton. We needed some groceries and I needed a few things to finish up painting most of the inside of our home.  That trip turned into a '3 hour journey...vaguely resembling Gillian's Island Tour".  Tommy also needed a hair cut and by the time we arrived home the day was half over and we had lost our desire to work.  That really was a smart idea on our part. Our bodies were sore and tired and needed a day to regroup. After lunch I went to bed and slept three hours. I feel great right now and will be ready to work tomorrow.

However, this story began in the parking lot of a barber shop on the main street in Fulton, Mo. The traffic in Fulton was bumper to bumper.  Tommy darted in front of a pickup truck coming down Bluff Street. Tommy made a hard left and sped into the barber shop's driveway. There we encountered  a lady in a red Chevy trying to make a left turn into the non stop traffic. There was no way she could turn left.  It was pointless.  As we made a quick turn into the driveway; the lady  also took a chance jumping into traffic as we pulled in.  The only problem was she wanted to go left and had to go right. She was literally beating on her steering wheel as she sped out of the driveway in the wrong direction.

Fulton is a nice size town maybe 10 or 15 thousand people, if you count the inmates in prison, the patients in the mental hospital and the college students.  A person can get turned around or lost but not for any length of time.

The lady in the red car, who was going the wrong direction, had long black hair, and appeared to be very short. She could barely see over the steering wheel. A cigarette dangled from her right hand. Patience was not her virtue today.  Once on the road, she raced about 50 yards down the road,  made a sharp right turn into a liquor store parking lot.   Hmmm I am thinking, 'well that explains a lot she needs a drink!'  ' Not so fast Vicky you are wrong...again'  said one of the voices in my head.  The lady wanted to turn around in the parking lot and try to make a crossover to the 'other' right lane.  It was a blessing the parking lot was close to empty because it took the whole parking lot to get her situated to cross the highway. 

She sat there swishing her head back and forth eyeing the oncoming cars. No one would let her in or out. Finally, there was a slow down in traffic. Stomping on the gas she tried to make it to the far right lane however, she couldn't pull it off. A truck was too close to her and he refused to slow down. He never once hit his breaks.  The lady  drove straight across the road and into the Napa parking lot.  I could hear her cussing on my side of the street. I turned off the radio and watched the woman have a fit. She was livid and quite descriptive in her colorful language.  She also spoke sign language fluently, especially with her middle finger. 

After pausing for a minute to regain her bearing's and take a long drag on her cigarette, she decided to cross the alley street and enter Ovid Bell parking lot.   It is a good size lot with most of the cars parked in the middle.  There was a yard sale at the front of the parking lot.  It also has two road entrances.  She checked them both out.  Once again the traffic was steady and no one would let her get in front of them.  She sat there and she sat there and she sat there.  All the time clicking her fingernails on the steering wheel.

Finally there was a pause in traffic;  she took a chance and made it into the right lane going the right direction.  I applauded her from my car.  I wondered where she needed to go to cause such distress.  I did not have to wait long to find out.  She drove up the street, passed four homes and pulled into Taco Bell!!  Really???  Really! I was disappointed, in my mind there was an emergency waiting somewhere and she needed to be at that place. Never once did I think it would be Taco Bell.  She almost got killed for a taco.

That is about the time I thought of Lisa again.  I wish she could have seen this woman drive.  She has me beat all to pieces. In my opinion she won ' worst driver in the year' currently held by me according to Lisa.  I gladly pass my crown and torch to the pissed off lady in the red Chevy...she earned it today.