August 9th was my father's 88th birthday. Tommy and I made the trip home from Missouri so I could celebrate with Daddy. Some things you only get to do once. This was one of those days. Even though we had to celebrate early, celebrate--we did and I am very glad.
Daddy and I have a semi routine we do whenever I come home. We go to Springhill and visit the graves of his grandparents, who basically raised him. El and Myrtie Owen.
He tells me stories of his life with them. He always mentions that he wishes he and Mama could have been buried there instead of where Mama chose to buy lots. Mama didn't want any part of the country ---even in death.
We drive all through the back country of Hickman County. He checks out the crops and tells me stories of this family, that farm or whatever comes to his mind. I love to listen to these stories, even though I know them by heart, I still enjoy hearing him tell them.
As soon as we are through with this trip, we drive to Fulton to check on Mama. She is buried in the Memorial Gardens just outside of Fulton. Mamamae and Granddaddy, Uncle Gene and now Robert Turner are buried there.
Darla, Robert's wife and my cousin and my sister by heart, keeps beautiful flower arrangements on the graves.
Daddy and I are usually silent, each one talking to our loved ones from the heart, instead of through our lips. I always say aloud, "Good bye and I love you" to them all before we leave. Daddy just leaves. Sometimes I hear him tell Mama, "I will see you soon, I hope".
The last time I was home, Daddy wanted to eat "lunch" with Mama....so we did. He wanted a quarter pounder and fries from McDonalds. I bought them and we came back to the cemetery to eat. If I never do that again, it will be alright with me. Something just was out of whack, to be eating in the cemetery. I could just hear Mama say "J.L. don't make a mess here." We didn't.
This time I planned to take him to eat Mexican food at new restaurant across from WalMart. We both love Mexican food, so he agreed to go there. There would be no cemetery eating that day!!!
It was love at first sight for me!! I wanted a set of chairs from there. First thing I did was start taking pictures. Daddy gave one of those,"Oh My God, here she goes again looks!!!" I tried not to embarrass him too much....However, I figure what the heck do I care what strangers think? One of my new life motto's is "If not now---when?"
Here is an isle shot of the place. Wait until you see the backs of the chairs!!!
It really doesn't take much to make me happy. This setting did the trick. We ordered steak fajitas and had enough food for an additional three people. Daddy enjoyed himself and that was a good thing.
After lunch, we drove to Columbus Park and then down to the Mississippi River. Daddy is really loosing his eyesight, but he enjoyed the river the most. We watched the barges.
He would ask me questions and I would describe as best I could, what I saw. He only gets images that are hazy at best. We spent an hour or more there. Talking about the boats and barges. I wish I could take him on one. He would love that.
Daddy was getting tired. We had a good time together. Soon it would be time for me to go back home. We had laughed and talked just like a normal family --which is something we have never been. I have to admit, it felt good for a change.
I think he's doing great. When I saw him last week he was wanting a box of kleenex...I found a box for him (THAT I can do!) and the next day he thanked me again for it, calling me by name (my OLD name..EAnn!) so that was a blast from the past.
ReplyDeleteIn the Philippines, 'having a meal' with the dear departed is not all that uncommon. It happens in, apart from the graveside, in places where the dear departed left happy memories.
ReplyDeleteOften during family celebrations, a plate of food ( usually the favorite viands of the dear departed ),is brought up to his or her former room where a mini shrine of picture frames, a rosary, and some religious statues are kept in his/her memory. Candles are lit.
Later, this food is taken out, but never consumed by the family.
Sometimes, on birthadys or special days of the departed, fancy meals are left by the graveside.
the first and second days of November are reserved for celebrations with the dear dead. Without feeling any irreverence, relatives and friends flock to the graves of their loved ones across the country. And right there beside the graves they eat, sing, joke, laugh, play, and gamble. Temporary cities of tents are what cemeteries turn into when they are venues for among the biggest celebrations of life in Philippine culture....
Nelo, I had never heard of this before. It is an interesting concept. I go to their graves and talk to them when matters of the heart need to be shared. Before we admitted Mama to the nursing home, I sat down between Mamamae and Granddaddy's grave and talked to them for a long time. I told them what we were doing and why. I remember asking them to forgive me if they disagreed. I told them when Mama was given only a few months to live and the when she died. I felt like I owed it to them.
ReplyDeleteLiz, thank you for checking on Daddy. I think he is doing great and quite the heartthrob up there. LOL He looks so much more relaxed than he has in 5 years. Thank you my friend. Vicky
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