Unfortunately, this feeling doesn't last any longer than the moment. Tami called a few minutes ago asking me what we bought Jacy for Christmas. I could only remember a few gifts and I know there are more. My mind isn't on Christmas. My mind isn't any one place. It is lost in a tangled mess of memories, conversations, and a promise I wish I had never made.
My mind is filled with unrelated, random thoughts that really do not make a lot of sense. They just occupy room and slip out from time to time.
Random Thought 653...I think I will make some cookies later today. I haven't done any Christmas baking. I could and should have...just didn't want to do it.
Something is off this year. I know part of it has to do with the death of Carol. She is laughing at me now...maybe getting ready to thump my head because she hated Christmas and would want me to snap out of this slump I am in. I don't have to hear her words...I know exactly what she would say. "Vicky, knock it off!!! You have a good life...enjoy it." She has said those words many times.
I really need to talk to Carol. I know how the conversation would go. Something like this...
I would bring up the news and she would get mad at me for watching "that crap". We would talk about Duck Dynasty and she would kid me about being a redneck. She knows I have never once watched Duck Dynasty but she would razz me anyway.
She would remind me that where facebook is concerned that, "You don't have to join every argument or fight you are invited to attend. Pick your battles and F..K the rest." I would probably agree with her. Unable to stop I would mention Obama and she would call him the "antichrist..." and we would both rant and rave over the plight of our government. Our imaginary plan to fix life was to fire everyone in the government and move to Key West. Tommy and I could fish and swim and she and Punky would enjoy the sun. That only lasted for a few minutes before one us started talking about the weather and how we both HATE hot weather!! What's the point of moving to Key West if we are going to be mad or stay inside with the air conditioner!! We could do that in Missouri!! However that was our plan, for about four minutes a visit...almost every time.
Random Thought 654...We have freezing rain coming down now. The rain should turn to snow later this afternoon. I think I will lay down and read a book until I get sleepy or get up. Whichever comes first. The book I am reading is depressing and I am not sleepy so I might as well get up. Note to self...find another book to read.
Random thought 655...I still wish Santa Claus was real. I don't want to start a religious debate about Jesus. I know He is real and it is His birth we are celebrating. Still...
Still I would like, especially this year, for the magical Santa to visit my home. I would like a fat little man who probably has heart disease and never diets, who talks to animals and they talk back to him and everyone thinks it is normal; to visit me and share a cup of coffee. I need this little man who flies across the heavens in a sleigh, to leave me a present, a cookie and a note. I could use some magic of childhood and of dreams. I could use a sleigh ride across heaven...but I want to come back.
If Carol were here, reading this, that paragraph would have rattled her. I could tell you what she would have said, but it wouldn't be printable:) I would tell her 'it's my blog and that is how I feel.' She would let me know' I need to snap out of this before I end up in FSH!!!' That should be a wake up call. FSH was our Plan B...if nothing else worked out when we became old or a burden on our families; we were going to start a bar fight, 'act crazy' and end up arrested and placed in Fulton State Hospital. And then the fun would begin:) We learned from the best!! Hmmm.... Miss you my friend. Think I will go make those cookies. I am nowhere near ready for plan B...yet. If you see Santa Claus give him a hug and a kiss from me. Good night my friend...
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