While in California last October attending Melodi and Lacey's wedding, I met a young couple who exemplify in my mind, the image of the 'modern day family.' They are the Travis and Jessica Gill family. Late Friday afternoon they arrived from Oxnard, California.
Everyone was debating about what to do first. We needed to finish decorating for the outdoor wedding but the wind was not cooperating. The gusts were too strong to set anything up and expect it to be in the same county when we arrived the next day for the wedding. All plans were on hold until Saturday morning when, hopefully, we could finish the decorating before the wedding late that afternoon.
We did have several rehearsal walks, adjusting the speed to the music, getting everyone lined up so we would know where we should be standing when the wedding march began. This is where Lisa and I met Travis, Jessica and their two beautiful daughters.
Travis was holding their baby, Ashton, when Lisa and I walked by them. Jess had Addison, their oldest daughter who is about 4, by the hand. Both Jess and Addison were in the wedding party. Jess was a bridesmaid and Addison was a flower girl.
The first thing to catch my eye about this young couple was Ashton's shoes. They were little black furry pompoms. She looked adorable; one little foot was kicking slowly as she enjoyed watching all the people around her. Nearly everyone stopped to say hello to them. The second thing to catch my attention was Jessica when she said, "Travis, you have Ashton tonight while Addison and I get ready for the wedding rehearsal." Jess gave him a peck on the cheek and off they went. I laughed to myself as Lisa and I walked away. I was remembering Tommy and me when we were about their age. Tommy always helped me with the girls...always. However, I am not so sure he would have kept a baby all night. He would have probably given the baby to the first nice lady who offered to help, while he went and grabbed a beer. Travis didn't. I know because Lisa and I asked him several times if he needed some help or a rest. He always smiled and said, "Thanks we are fine." That was impressive in my book. Wives and young mothers need a break from time to time. They need to have fun with their friends. I was glad to see this young couple had this worked out.
On Saturday as the wedding began, Addison was wearing a little gray and white dress, closely resembling the bridesmaids, with cowgirl boots. Her long blond hair hung to her waist. She carried a cowboy hat filled with flower petals. As Addison walked down the isle, she was supposed to drop the flower petals for the bride, Lacey, to walk on as she made her journey to Melodi waiting in the front with the rest of the wedding procession. However, somewhere in the midst of her walk, Addison changed her mind about giving up her flowers and only dropped one petal. Proudly holding her hat, she walked over and stood by her mom. Soon the wedding was over and the reception and photography session began. Melodi and Lacey had a table fixed for the two of them under a tree with lights, flowers and greenery. The finishing touch was added by Addison. She very quietly and gently walked to the wedding couples table and began placing her flower petals on the table. She took her time to place the flowers in just the right places. It was a sweet tribute from a very pretty little princess.
I enjoyed spending time watching this young family. They are beautiful, delightful and very funny. I know they 'got' me good:)
Since I am known for usually speaking what I am thinking, I should not have been surprised when this next fiasco happened...but I was passed surprised. All night I kept trying to remember where I knew Travis from. He looked familiar, but I could not place him. Finally, it dawned on me...he reminded me of Vin Diesel. Now why I couldn't keep this little tidbit to myself I will never know...but I couldn't. It popped out before I could catch it. I asked them if anyone ever told Travis he resembled Vin Diesel? He and Jess started laughing and about that time Jess hugs 'Vin' and says, "Oh Baby, she thinks you are hot!!!" I started laughing and backing up. "No, no I didn't say that exactly." Jess was having a good time with this and me. She said, "Sure you did" So I asked if I could take a family photo and got the heck out of there.
Lisa is sitting at a table near by and is laughing as I rush over. "Mama, did you just call that young man Vin Diesel??" "No of course not" I replied as I tried to crawl under the table. A new friend walked by and wanted to know if I would like a drink from the bar. "Why yes I would, I will take two tall icy screwdrivers in the bottle, please." Who knows after downing two of these maybe I will see Elvis!!
Travis and Jessica are wonderful, good people. They have a great start in life. They have just moved into their first home. I am excited for them. Jessica and I keep in touch on facebook. It was great to meet friends of Melodi and Lacey and to be able to call them friends now. They are a very good example of the new modern day family. I was very pleased to meet them.
I am glad today is January 1, 2014. I am glad 2013 is over, done and gone...never to return again.
Like the old nursery rhyme says, "When it was good it was very, very good. And when it was bad it was horrid." That, my friends sums up the year 2013 for me.
It was a year of 'firsts' and of 'lasts'. There was never a blending of the two extremes.
2013 began with Tommy being sick...very sick starting with the first week in January. He was taking two medications that worked against each other. The meds. were slowly killing him. The only way we found out what was wrong, was by happenstance. Tommy's medication had run out and he called to refill them...he was told to go see a doctor ASAP. He was in bad trouble, his heart paying the price. As soon as he quit taking the medications he immediately began to improve. Withing in two weeks he was seeing a doctor to have a heart ablation procedure done. It was to be a piece of cake. An overnight stay in the hospital then he could go home.
The procedure was scheduled for February 4th. Every thing went according to plan until 'something' went wrong and out of nowhere Tommy bottomed out and ended up on life support, within a matter of minutes.
For three or four days I thought he would die. Lisa, our oldest daughter, was with us. I can never repay her for all she did. When the doctor told me Tommy couldn't live with his heart only working on 20% I was stunned. My heart was breaking and I went somewhere in my soul I had never visited. I cried, sounding like a wounded animal. And Lisa held me, cried with me and said the perfect words I needed to hear, "Give Daddy a 20% chance to live and he will make it. Remember he is your Marine."
Lisa kept me full of things I had never drunk before...and they helped. The green 'Naked' stuff soon grew on me and I looked forward to drinking that crazy concoction. Of course the "Mocha Latte Coffee" from Starbucks downstairs kept us going for 5 hours at a time. Lisa did all the updating on her cell phone. Bless her heart, she was busy all the time.
This was our lifeline while Tommy was sick plus thousands of prayers. People all over the world were praying for him. They touched God's ear and Tommy began to recover on the 3rd or 4th day.
Family from Kentucky came to see us at the hospital. I am so glad I took 3 pictures while Tommy was so sick, because by the time family members got there he was on the road to recovery. The staff were taking tubes out and reducing the monitors almost on the hour. It was unbelievable.
Tommy was released from the hospital a week later. We stayed close to home for the rest of the month and the first two weeks in March. Then my father suddenly died on March 13, 2013. We made the trip home and stayed about four days then returned to Missouri. It still doesn't seem real. He was always a loner at heart. When his time to die came, he wanted to die alone. He refused to let family see him.
The Spring came in with April being our heavy duty birthday month. Logan turned 9 on April 1st. Tommy turned 65 on April 3rd and I turned somewhere between 9 and 65 on April 6. Tami was 37 on April 11th. It was a good month.
During the summer Tommy and I added a sun room to our house. I love it. It is everything I want and need to write, paint and read. No excuses now not to do any of those things. When my house is noisy, I have a place of peace and quiet unless I want to rock the walls with music. It was a good summer.
Melodi and Lacey got married in California. In October Lisa and I flew out for the wedding. We had a wonderful time meeting some of the nicest people ever to be born. The wedding was beautiful.
Tami finished her novel "Collapse". It is a wonderful book and I think it will be a t.v. series or movie if the right people read it. I am so proud of her and for her. She works hard and still makes time to be a great mother, involved in her church and community and to write a fabulous book.
On December 9, 2013 my best friend of over 20 years died suddenly. Carol Shea was only 62. She was too young to die. I miss her. When I try to write about Carol it is always in short, clipped sentences. Right now I can't express how much I wish her life had been different. Finally, I hope she is happy.
This was made on a good day when we went to Kansas City. She had fun that weekend we house sat for Melodi.
This has pretty much been the highlights of my 2013. Like I said at the beginning, when it was good it was very, very good and when it was bad it was horrid.
Today is the first day of January, 2014. I am excited about this New Year. We have a lot of plans floating around in the air. Places to go and people to meet...maybe get off the beaten path a little more. I like it out there where you never know what lies around the corner, down the road or over the next mountain. I am expecting good things this year.
Today is our 44th wedding anniversary. It is a beautiful day. The temperature is warming up causing the ice to melt off the trees. It looks pretty outside. Everything twinkles and sparkles, just the right mix of magic and reality. Tomorrow it will all be muddy, however today is lovely.
We woke up this morning finding it hard to believe we have been married for 44 years and at the same time it seems we have always been married. We both call that a blessing.
Tommy fixed coffee, bacon and pancakes for breakfast...my favorites. We reminisced some about our wedding day and laughed at all the things that went wrong the week we got married.
We didn't have any plans for today. I wanted to take down the Christmas tree and put up new living room curtains I received as a present for Christmas. Tommy thought he might replenish the wood we have stacked in the laundry room. We are each doing our own projects and plan to have dinner together tonight.
Sounds like a good easy going kind of day. And it would have been if I did not absolutely, positively...no doubt about it...despise hanging curtains!!! When the girls lived at home they ran and hid when I mentioned I might need their help with the curtains.
It is the only household project that effects me this way. I turn into a raging lunatic...not the kind of person one wants to be on their anniversary by any means.
The first time I try to get the curtains level... is a waste of time. They will never, ever be level on the first, second or fifth try.!! When I finished the first dry run, I step back to see how they looked and one side fell down. It wasn't just crooked...it hit the floor, just about the time my hammer did. Folks, it was not a pretty sight. The sounds were pretty bad also, to say the air was 'blue' was giving the air a water color wash job!!! Kind of a rainbow effect from Hell!
I am determined to do this...it may take awhile but those damn curtains will hang in my living room TODAY!!! I move on to plan B and get a bigger nail and hammer. I will make those puppies stay up or make them sorry they didn't.
The curtains go up first and the valance fits on top of the curtains. There is a distinct possibility I may have mixed those two rods up. Hmmm.That explains a lot...nothing I wanted to hear but it does explain. I take them down. Switch rods and try again. I am standing on a foot stool, one lick with the hammer and the very big nail and I slip and hit the floor. If we hadn't paid $400 for that window and it wasn't cold outside, I do believe I might have accidentally thrown my hammer through the middle of it. I am so glad I didn't. When Tommy heard me making all sorts of racket, he came running through the back door, to see if I had somehow been murdered.
There I sat on the floor, surrounded by yards of material, a hammer the size of Texas and a really, really bad attitude. Tommy was quiet for a second then says, "Do you need any help?" Music to my ears!~!! I don't need help...I needed for him to do it! He did. I also found out, 44 years later that he hates hanging curtains almost as much as I do. Hmmm I never knew that. Together we finally got the curtains up. " They really do look pretty" I said through squinted eyes.
We made a deal, these curtains stay up until we die or we can talk the kids into doing it next time.
Now that I am calm, I am taking my new wireless printer out to the sunroom and try and hook it up. Oh Joy..
Three hours later...
Tomorrow is another day. The printer never made it out of the box and that was probably a good thing. We took a nap and after the coffee gets done we will sip it in our living room...laughing at our screwed up anniversary while admiring our new curtains
I am telling the truth when I say it's God's glue that holds us together. Even when we act ignorant...especially when we act ignorant!! I am pretty sure He has a huge bottle of Glory glue that says "For Vicky Carter...use it on her ASAP and on occasion use it liberally...may take more than one dose."
The beautiful couple in the photo to the left are Jeffery and Jasmine Bone. They had just exchanged their marriage vows on December 18, 2013 and now are officially husband and wife. Jeff is our great nephew on the Carter side. We really do not know Jeff or Jasmine and that is shame. I think we missed watching a good young man grow up. We totally missed their falling in love.
However, we have lived away from Kentucky for most of our soon to be 44 married years. We missed a lot of lives, but we made family and friends everywhere we lived. Our love for our extended family here in Missouri is almost as strong as our love for our blood families. For each decision we made...everything we received, there was choice to be made concerning family. There was always a reason for the choices we made. We needed to be on our own. We followed our hearts on this one. We did what was right for the two of us...everything else eventually worked out. One life lesson we learned could be summed up in this quote, "We can have it all...just not all at once."
I look at Jeff and Jasmine and I think of Tommy and myself. Tommy was in the Marine Corps and I had quit college to marry him. We also got married in December. Tommy was coming in on leave and he told me to pick a day and he would be there. So we settled on Dec. 26, 1969 at 4:30 p.m. We left from the church for Smyrna, Georgia. Tommy had us an apartment not to far from the base he was stationed at...NAS Atlanta also called Dobbins Air Force Base. It took us three days to get there and it was well worth the trip.
I hope Jasmine can live with Jeff while he is in the military. I hope they travel and enjoy seeing the world together. For us, being completely on our own, cemented our lives together. We started out needing each other and have never stopped.
That is not to say we didn't have hard times...because we did, every couple does. I think we have fallen in love with each other five or six times, each time stronger than the time before. To 'fall in love again' means something had to go wrong for awhile before the connection could be made again.
If possible we never go to bed mad at each other. Neither one of us would be able to sleep, so we might as well stay awake and talk, trying our best to fix what seems to be wrong. "I'm sorry" and "I love you " go a long way in that department.
Thank God for our a sense of humor. That has saved many a marriage...probably ours. I always say "I could have found another man but never, ever could I have found another friend like Tommy. He has seen me at my worst and loves me anyway." We were made for each other. He feels the same way about me. We still laugh a lot and we hope Jeff and Jasmine will too. Forgiveness is essential; it also isn't easy but very necessary. Tommy and I both had to learn that 'forgiving' and 'letting go of a grudge or bad memory' are two different things. This is where God comes in. He does what we can not do and that is 'forget''. God makes forgetting possible for very hurt and angry humans. We try not to keep score on who is right and who is wrong. In the end, it pretty much evens out.
Tommy and I wish Jeff and Jasmine happiness, love, laughter, adventure and the ability to make enough memories to last a lifetime.
Merry Christmas to you both...God bless you and enjoy your new life together.
I have tried everything I know to get in the Christmas spirit. I usually start each morning inhaling coffee and plugging in our tall, beautifully lit Christmas tree. I have a DVD that shows a crackling fireplace while a piano softly plays musical memories from my life. The house is dark except for the tree while I am enjoying my home, my memories and my coffee.
Unfortunately, this feeling doesn't last any longer than the moment. Tami called a few minutes ago asking me what we bought Jacy for Christmas. I could only remember a few gifts and I know there are more. My mind isn't on Christmas. My mind isn't any one place. It is lost in a tangled mess of memories, conversations, and a promise I wish I had never made.
My mind is filled with unrelated, random thoughts that really do not make a lot of sense. They just occupy room and slip out from time to time.
Random Thought 653...I think I will make some cookies later today. I haven't done any Christmas baking. I could and should have...just didn't want to do it.
Something is off this year. I know part of it has to do with the death of Carol. She is laughing at me now...maybe getting ready to thump my head because she hated Christmas and would want me to snap out of this slump I am in. I don't have to hear her words...I know exactly what she would say. "Vicky, knock it off!!! You have a good life...enjoy it." She has said those words many times.
I really need to talk to Carol. I know how the conversation would go. Something like this...
I would bring up the news and she would get mad at me for watching "that crap". We would talk about Duck Dynasty and she would kid me about being a redneck. She knows I have never once watched Duck Dynasty but she would razz me anyway.
She would remind me that where facebook is concerned that, "You don't have to join every argument or fight you are invited to attend. Pick your battles and F..K the rest." I would probably agree with her. Unable to stop I would mention Obama and she would call him the "antichrist..." and we would both rant and rave over the plight of our government. Our imaginary plan to fix life was to fire everyone in the government and move to Key West. Tommy and I could fish and swim and she and Punky would enjoy the sun. That only lasted for a few minutes before one us started talking about the weather and how we both HATE hot weather!! What's the point of moving to Key West if we are going to be mad or stay inside with the air conditioner!! We could do that in Missouri!! However that was our plan, for about four minutes a visit...almost every time.
Random Thought 654...We have freezing rain coming down now. The rain should turn to snow later this afternoon. I think I will lay down and read a book until I get sleepy or get up. Whichever comes first. The book I am reading is depressing and I am not sleepy so I might as well get up. Note to self...find another book to read.
Random thought 655...I still wish Santa Claus was real. I don't want to start a religious debate about Jesus. I know He is real and it is His birth we are celebrating. Still...
Still I would like, especially this year, for the magical Santa to visit my home. I would like a fat little man who probably has heart disease and never diets, who talks to animals and they talk back to him and everyone thinks it is normal; to visit me and share a cup of coffee. I need this little man who flies across the heavens in a sleigh, to leave me a present, a cookie and a note. I could use some magic of childhood and of dreams. I could use a sleigh ride across heaven...but I want to come back.
If Carol were here, reading this, that paragraph would have rattled her. I could tell you what she would have said, but it wouldn't be printable:) I would tell her 'it's my blog and that is how I feel.' She would let me know' I need to snap out of this before I end up in FSH!!!' That should be a wake up call. FSH was our Plan B...if nothing else worked out when we became old or a burden on our families; we were going to start a bar fight, 'act crazy' and end up arrested and placed in Fulton State Hospital. And then the fun would begin:) We learned from the best!! Hmmm.... Miss you my friend. Think I will go make those cookies. I am nowhere near ready for plan B...yet. If you see Santa Claus give him a hug and a kiss from me. Good night my friend...
I've only been awake two hours and I already know what kind of day I will have. My friends and family call it a "Vicky Carter Kind of Day". We know from experience,
very little if anything will go as planned during this time frame.
It all began last night around 8:30 p.m. I had my second sleep apnea test...this one wearing various different kinds of masks. Trying to find one that would work best for me. I was told last night that my oxygen level when I sleep is anywhere from 87 to 92 and that I quit breathing on the average of 60 or more times a night. I was appalled. The technician wasn't. She said "This is a mild case." and I am thinking 'for you maybe...but you aren't the one not breathing.'
The masks vaguely resemble a big eyed roach, a nose of a mouse, and a alien. Wouldn't you know, the "alien" is the one that works for me. The only good side to this crazy mess is--- the one I need is just like Tommy's. We can be scary together...and we will.
The technician applies the glue to numerous places on my body and head, finally she hooks up wires attached to a machine. Then tells me to "jump in bed and have a good nights rest." Right!
I slept all night...go figure. When she woke me up at 5 a.m. I felt good. I had maintained an oxygen level of 97 all night. I was amazed that I really did feel much better than usual.
I hadn't put my glasses on yet, when my cell phone rings. I thought it was Tommy so I answered saying in a voice reserved for him, "Good morning Shithead!!! Is the coffee ready yet??" Silence for a second and then Carol's mother says, "Vicky, is that you?" mmmm, "Yes ma'am this is me." If the earth opened up and swallowed me---I would have been relieved.
She wants to know if she has caught me at a bad time. I explain what is going on and she laughs and hangs up. I will call her back later. She knows me well, I won't have to explain a lot.
I leave the hospital without combing my hair because it is pointless...it is full of glue. I can't wait to get home and shower. I race through my back door. Tommy is still asleep so I make the coffee. And I get ready to jump in the shower only to find we have NO HOT WATER!!! I ran into the laundry room and began flipping switches. Nothing, I do it again...nothing. Finally, something clicks and I hear the hot water heater start to fill up. I also hear my computer click on and scan a sheet of paper telling me how much ink I have in my computer cartridge. I had not touched my computer. The answering machine gurgles and dies...needing to be reset. I stand in the middle of the den wondering why the hot water heater, computer and answering machine are all hooked up together. Who knows!!! I know for a fact, they aren't supposed to be. I guess I really did flip more than one switch while trying to turn on the hot water. Note to self...don't do that!
It is now 8:03 a.m. This is just the beginning of another 'Vicky Carter kind of day'. I have these days more often than I care to admit. Everything I do during that 24 hour period is just a tad off. I am either a step ahead or two steps behind, however the dice roll, I am not in sync with the world. For the past two weeks my mind has worked wrong and slow. It is hard to concentrate and to make decisions. Words no longer come easy. Personally, I would like to check out for a few weeks. It is a lousy time for Christmas.
Today we have to feed Carol's cats and make a one hundred twenty mile round trip to Jefferson City to visit Punky, Carol's sister. Somewhere in the mix we will eat dinner. Neither one of us wants to cook today. Sounds simple however I doubt if it will be.
Yesterday began with a dense fog so thick I was unable to see the woods that surrounds our home. When I took our two dogs outside, a few minutes before daylight; the air was sharp, stabbing as bits of ice hit my face. The dogs were fifty feet ahead of me when I lost them in the fog. I could hear their feet running through the remains of snow and slush. I walked around the yard and out to the pond enjoying the view I was not seeing.
When I looked in the direction of my house all I could see was a light yellow hazy structure. I no longer saw a home badly in need of paint. It looked fine in the fog. As I walked closer to the pond, I spied reeds and tree branches encased in a icy glow of surreal gray. No longer did the pond need to be cleaned out. It was beautiful just the way it appeared.
The images I saw were inaccurate but enjoyable for a change. The trees in the distance resembled the faint outline of mountains instead of a forest. My imagination was in overdrive as I walked. Mentally taking notes of slightly misshapen ordinary sights in my yard.
My hair became wet from the fog. It was slowly becoming plastered to my head...not a good look for me at all. My clothes felt damp. I decided to walk back to the house to drink my first cup of coffee and shower. The fog was cold, reaching deep, trying to touch my bones. A hot shower would feel wonderful.
I enjoyed that brief span of time however I was ready for my home. I was ready for coffee and to say good morning to friends and family on face book. I was ready to make enough noise to 'accidentally' wake Tommy. I was ready to reclaim my life...just the way it is.
While walking back to the house I got an idea for a chapter in the book I am working on, tentatively called "The House that Jack Built". Strange the things that walk in and out of the fog. I can hardly wait to write the scene I am seeing in my minds eye. Jack is sooo bad.
