Bucket List Number 422---Fulfilled 10-27-12

For years I have wanted to join a writers group.  I would check on line, find a group only to begin the process of making excuses not to attend.  Eventually I would forget about the group I did not join, putting it on the back burner of my mind,  conjuring up the desire again at a much later date.

 However, Tami was in charge of fate this time. She found a writers group on line about 6 weeks ago. She called and wanted to know if I wanted to go. Immediately, I jumped at the chance. 'Absolutely' I wanted to go. I was excited to say the least. She made our reservations while I started to buy new pens, a tote bag, and the most uncomfortable pair of shoes I have ever owned.  I made copies of most of my blogs, just in case someone wanted to read them.  I even bought a red 3 ring binder to place them in. 

Tami and I talked about this weekly.  Two weeks before we were to go to St. Peter's I started getting twitchy.  I began to think of a huge room full of aspiring writers reading their work aloud.  The twitch worsened, accompanied by knots in the stomach and bad dreams at night. The power of ten foot ocean waves had nothing on the doubt that flooded my mind. 

My muse was having a fit!!  To say she was mad at me was putting things mildly.  She chewed me out at least once a day, sometimes lasting all day long. I had better not chicken out this time or she was going to find another playground. Threats, threats and more threats!!  She swore, she cursed and she flayed her fists in my minds eye.

A couple of weeks before we were to leave, we had a family tragedy.  We all made an unexpected trip to Kentucky. We were stressed and sad. Tami caught a horrible cold. Tommy's heart wasn't beating in the correct rhythm and needed to be shocked back to a correct mode.  It rained, turned cold. I had a million excuses to keep me at home.  I was counting on one of those excuses to work.

 Tami wasn't letting me off the hook that easy. Three days before we were to attend the conference,  I was beginning my verbal back step. Finally Tami said, "Mama do you really want to go?"  Yes I did... sort of, mostly but not necessarily  if she was too tired or didn't want to go.  I could always go to the next conference. Tami was not letting me bow out easily.  Finally she said she was going regardless of whether I went or not.  No problem, I assured her I was going.

Jacy and Logan spent Friday night with Casey. The alarm went off a 5 a.m.  I was up and in the process of getting ready when I had a  panic attack.  My heart was beating hard and fast. I had the mother lode of all hot flashes. I was standing outside in the dark, in the cold drinking coffee and sweating up a storm!  Literally sweat dripped off the ends of my hair.  I had to blow dry it again. After taking a xanax and sitting on the steps outside, I began to regain control and chill....literally. I had a talk with  the 'crew' in my mind and finished getting ready. We could do this and we did!!

Once we were on the road, jamming to music I relaxed. I don't know if it was the music, the company or the xanax, whatever it was, it worked.  When we arrived in St. Peter's I walked in behind Tami and immediately felt at home. I met new people, listened to guest speakers and made new friends. I talked to a publisher for 10 minutes--voluntarily. I wrote when asked to and enjoyed the experience.  It was everything I had hoped for times ten. 

Tami and I are now members of "Saturday Writer's " writing group. We meet once a month in St. Peter's, Mo. I am looking forward to the next meeting.  Hopefully, I won't have another panic attack and have to go stand outside in the cold.  If I do, so be it, I am going, I am writing and I have found a group of like minded people to share this experience.  I can now officially check off number 422 on my bucket list.  I am a member of a writing group. YES!!!!