Sometimes I create my own reality out of need to hold on to the past. Lisa will forever be 30, Tami will be 26 and Melodi will be about 23. None of these ages are even remotely close. Still that is where I have everyone in my minds eye, in most of my memories they are much younger.
One day Lisa was a baby, then she was walking, and learning to talk. All too soon she turned 7 years old, wanting desperately to know about sex!! Neither of us were prepared for this new revelation. I thought we wouldn't have this conversation until about 13 years of age....but never in my wildest dreams did I think a 2nd grader would be pushing so hard for answers I wasn't prepared to give and she was not ready to hear. However, that is the position we found ourselves in, every day for weeks.
As soon as Lisa hopped off the bus, she had a snack and was ready to tell me about her day. The first thing out of her mouth would be a question about sex. Or she would tell me what she had learned about sex that day. I was shocked. She was too young to be asking these questions and wanting answers so adamantly. I would change the subject and pray for answers.
I finally was able to piece together what was going on in her mind and on the bus. There was a young teenage girl riding Lisa's bus who was pregnant. Lisa sat with her most of the time. Since we lived so far out in the country, Lisa caught the bus at 7a.m. She was always sleepy and her new friend would let her lay her head in her lap and sleep until they were almost at school. The young lady would brush Lisa's hair again before she bounded off the bus. She was already a mother in the making, regardless of her age. On days when Lisa didn't sleep she talked to her friend, asking all sorts of questions. Her friend answered as truthfully as she could and when she couldn't answer she would say, "Ask your mother".
Lisa noticed the girls stomach getting bigger. Since the girl was normally very thin it was hard to hide the fact that she was expecting a baby. One day while Lisa was resting her head in the young girls lap the baby moved. That kick got Lisa's attention and there was no going back for my daughter.
Lisa had felt Tami and Melodi move and kick. She saw my stomach get larger without asking many questions, if any. We told her "God had blessed us with another baby." She took our word for it and that was pretty much the end of it. This time she wanted answers. I told her that God had also blessed this girl with a baby. It didn't work. She wanted specifics. I did not want to give 'specifics.'
I can remember the day we finally had "the talk". It was a snowy Saturday morning, I was standing at the sink washing dishes when Lisa came bounding into the kitchen wanting cereal and baby answers. Tommy and I had talked about this. My friends and I had talked about it and none of us had any easy answers. We all thought she was too young to know about sex. Our plan was to wait her out, hoping she would forget about her new obsession. Lisa is not wired that way.
Finally, we sat down at the breakfast table to talk. I asked her why she wanted to know so badly and why my answers I was giving her weren't working. She looked me right in the eye and said, "Mama, there is something you are leaving out." Then she ate a big spoonful of Lucky Charms and waited as I sipped coffee and debated about where to take this conversation....because there was a lot I was leaving out.
Finally I said, "Honey this is hard to explain and I think you are too young to be worrying about where baby's come from."
"But I want to know" was her reply.
That was it!! I gave her the softest, sugar coated version of sex in the history of mankind. Leaving out everything graphic that might upset a 7 year old. I thought it went well. Lisa, however was not so sure. She sat there at the table with her spoon stuck in mid air and said, "My God, you and Daddy did That 3 times!!" She got up from the table, pushing her unfinished cereal away and marched back into the living room to finish watching cartoons. As she walked off, I heard her say, almost in a whisper, "Unbelievable". She sat down on her bean bag chair and began to watch the Smurfs, instantly going deaf to anything else I had to say.
I studied her for a long time, wondering what she was thinking. Later, when I asked her if she had anymore questions, she just put her little hand up like a stop sign and shook her head no. This kind of bothered me a little, because you never know what a little child is thinking. I didn't really tell her anything, but whatever I said evidently was too much.
Finally I asked her to tell me about sex. I wanted to know what on earth she was thinking. So she did. I walked off shaking my head saying, "Unbelievable". What she heard and what I said, were two different versions of, God only knows what!! If she was satisfied then I would leave it alone until she was older.
If I am not mistaken I think Lisa explained to the girls her version of sex when they got older. Tami looked at us like we had grown 3 heads for a few days, steering clear of our path and praying for our souls. I don't think Melodi ever did understand what any of us were talking about. Eventually it all worked out. They grew up and found out the truth in their own timing. That is a good thing.
Happy Birthday Lisa, it was a wonderful adventure raising you three girls. I hope your new year is filled with more love than you can handle, adventures to fill your quest to live life to the fullest and a peace of mind that passes all understanding.
Love you,
Mama
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